Afishionados,

Mike…ummm… caught and kept my attention tonight with his post about Massachusetts Senator, Scott Brown. Well, not Scott Brown so much as Scott Brown’s daughters.

Scott Brown's daughters are hot

Well, dang! I hope they’re into politics as much as their father, because I got an open seat for BOTH of them.

Afishionados,

Republicans everywhere are pissed at Obama’s spending and have thrown tea parties all over the country. You know, like we did back in Boston around the same time that John McCain was born. Apparently, Republicans don’t like the government spending that’s going on.

I wonder what made ‘em change their minds?

Well, folks, I’m nothing if not generous. And I’ve got a solution for all my pals and it’s simple: Just print more money. Here, this oughta get you started. Pretty soon, it’ll be worth the same as the U.S. dollar, too!

Afishionados,

It seems that not a day goes by without more “news” on the New York Post’s “scandalous” political cartoon making the headlines again. If you’re an out-of-the-country reader who has no idea what I am talking about, or you’re an American living under a rock, here is the cartoon that is causing all the fuss:

Lotsa folks are pissed about this, claiming the chimp represents Obama and how dare he be portrayed as such, let alone getting shot. I didn’t think of this when I read it, but I guess many people did. *I* thought it just meant that even a monkey could write a stimulus package, and that perhaps the cartoonist got the idea from the recent chimpanzee attack, which happened around the same time the cartoon was printed. And come on, Obama is way taller than a chimpanzee.

It seems that not everyone agrees with me (or the New York Post’s official statement for that matter). No, unfortunately, the world is full of assholes. And one of the biggest ones is leading the charge against the cartoonist (Sean Delonas).

The Fish is pleased to present this exclusive, never-before-seen photo of Al Sharpton changing his underpants after first hearing about the editorial cartoon. A representative close to Al Sharpton claims he was so furious that he literally shit his pants. And then giggled about it afterward. Tee hee hee!

Now the NAACP is calling for the firing of Sean Delonas. It will be a sad day for the “freedom of the press” if the NAACP gets its way. With all the problems in the world, I can’t believe so many people are arguing about a fuckin’ chimp cartoon that isn’t even racist.

Mr. Delonas, if you are reading this, may I suggest next time you put Al Sharpton in your cartoon instead of the chimp?

Afishionados,

Uncle Sam has decided that certain items are forbidden at President (Yes, PRESIDENT, not President-Elect. Fuck Bush) Obama’s inauguration. Some things on the list make sense, like… Well, none of the stuff on the list makes sense, actually. But it’s the government we’re talking about here, so it’s not supposed to make sense. If it did, then the world as we know it would probably explode. Only in a world where I am married to Leighton Meester can the United States government do something right.

One of the items on the list is an umbrella. Clearly this is to keep away British spies. We can’t allow just anyone to drop in, sing songs, and try and get us to feed the birds.

Backpacks are not permitted either. And for good reason. The last thing we need is some nutcase to come in with a backpack hoping to shoot a spook. No, we definitely can’t have that.

Strollers are also on the list, which you might think is dumb. And it is (I said it was the government, didn’t I?). But allowing strollers means someone could sneak in secret weapons far worse than guns or explosives.

But at least we’re safe from the terrorists, right?

Afishionados,

What else is there to say?

Afishionados,

GO VOTE!

Afishionados,

With a situation this fucked up, we need an experienced fuck up to lead us. Vote Polanski on November 4th.

UPDATE per the request of Mr. Presidenski himself:

Afishionados,

Breaking news! Old Fish and Lemonade is pleased to present this exclusive photo of John McCain’s new car for his motorcade should he be elected president. (Click the photo for a bigger view.)

Afishionados,

Kudos to Mike for the idea. It just needed the Official John McCain Logo on it. How nice of John to use the Optima font and star clip art from Photoshop. And a few words to help the search engines find it. Homosexual John McCain and his gay lover support gay marriage! There, that oughta do it.