Afishionados,
Heart-Shaped but Shit Flavored
Because I love each and every one of U, I have decided to show you just how much by buying you your very own pizza. My favorite pizza shop in the whole wide world has a special right now featuring heart-shaped pizzas. You’re gonna love ‘em, I swear1.
1I’m lying. They taste like shit.
Afishionados,
Delicious Hunan Chicken
Went out for Chinese with mom tonight. I was enjoying my hunan chicken when I overhear a portion of an elderly couple’s conversation.
…Anus shaver, with her husband. I think they did it together.
I stopped eating immediately and looked at mom.
“What the hell are they talking about?”
“What do you mean?”
“She just said ‘anus shaver’, didn’t she?”
Mom snorts on a pepper from her hunan shrimp.
“Anice Shaffer. She said Anice Shaffer!”
“Oh. Oops.”
Afishionados,
Joey Polanski likes Nested Egg Dolls.
Joey shoves these up his buttski
And he likes little girls.
Joey's Favorite Book
So I found him the perfect gift today:
The Perfect Giftski for Joey Polanski
Hamov vodker, ol’ palski!
Afishionados,
Some of us aren’t playing with a full deck. Some of us are. Me? I got a whole lot of elephant cards and I’m ready to play a game with you.
Elephant Cards
First, though, you’re gonna have to DRAW one of my elephant cards. And hurry up, will ya? Like, while we still got some life left.
Draw an Elephant. Card.
Afishionados,
Christmas time must be here, because the family has been arriving throughout the day (and night). The half of the family that is already here has been scurrying and cleaning for hours now. Doc has been hard at work, tackling the ongoing battle that is the cat litter box. A neat-freak whose pedantry rivals event the best, Doc not only scrubs the shitbox out, but filters and sifts for the tiniest of cat nuggets in much the same way as one might pan for gold. Like Jane Goodall among the apes, I observe from the sidelines and, as best as I can tell, the ultimate goal is to remove even the most miniscule of trinkets and reuse as much litter as possible.
Panning for Cat Shit
Seeing as how Doc is Chinese, I suppose the cat should be glad it gets such exceptional treatment. After all, it could be much worse.
The other white meat.
Afishionados,
On my way to Cincinnati this morning, I felt as though I had temporarily lost my way for a bit. It was almost as if I couldn’t remember who I was, what I was doing, or how I got there. The NPR program on the radio… Had I heard it before? Strange that so many things felt familiar, and yet brand new at the same time. Fortunately, everything came swirling back to me and I regained cognition after just a few miles on the highway. How odd…
Which Way Did I Go?
Afishionados,
Come one, come all! Come as many times as you can!
The inmates escaped from white rooms!
They’ve chewed their restraints
And caused many complaints
From the Rev on the day of our doom.
Afishionados,
The holidays are approaching and stress levels seem to to increase as that happens. At least in my family. We don’t do a single holiday without a good fight over something really retarded. Anyhow, intrepid Afishionado Simply C. might just have the solution in getting the family to chill the fuck out:
Better than the Man Chowder
Afishionados,
Happy Halloweenie! And what better time than Halloween to reveal the Rasputin International Poetry Exhibition’s new poster and official trailer! Honestly, is there anything scarier?
Click to View the RIPE Trailer in HD (SFW)
Click to view Rasputin in… um.. all his glory. You may also view the new trailer on YouTube and embed it on your own site if you so choose. The festivities begin January 1st and if you’re feeling pedantic, you can read up on all the rules right here. And remember, Rasputin’s the kind of joke you don’t want anywhere near your insides, so make sure you put on some kind of protection or something. Also, for the very first time, “official” Rasputin swag is available at the Rasputin International Poetry Exhibition Swag Headquarters, complete with detailed descriptions! Yes, Cowmrades, you can even obtain your very own RIPE T-shirt in addition to other precious things of the shop!
Adorn yourself in His glory!
One of the biggest goals of RIPE this year (aside from ol’ Rasputin himself) is to try and get more poets and players. So, if you’d like to help spread the word, you can do so by placing a smaller and slightly modified version of the poster in your sidebar. Here is the code:
<a href="http://www.tetherdcow.com/?page_id=1294" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.oldfishandlemonade.com/pix/ripeminiposter.png" alt="Rasputin International Poetry Exhibition" title="Rasputin International Poetry Exhibition" border="0"></a>
That’s it! The link should appear in your sidebar as it does here on The Fish.
The logo is all my doing, but once again I must send out a huge, Rasputin-sized thanks to my good pal Joey Polanski for his help with the RIPE slogan, the post title, and for his assistance with the trailer music. Lots of time (literally hours), effort, and design went into this year’s campaign, folks, so I hope you at least get a laugh out of it. Enjoy, and fuckin’ participate this year, would ya?
Old Fish and Lemonade™ is Copyright © 2009. No images or text may be reposted or reused without the express written permission of the author. OFAL utilizes a heavily-modified version of Black Letterhead by Ulysses Ronquillo. All rights reserved.
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