Afishionados,

Look at her, staring into my eyes like that.

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m considering taking Joey Polanski’s advice. Alice in Wonderland opens Friday and Mia Wasapolishnameski or something stars as one of the main characters whose name also appears in the title of the film, but currently escapes me. Doesn’t matter, though, as the FACTS important to the matter at my right hand are simply this:

Mia is blonde (Check!)
Mia has short hair (Check!)
Mia is Australian. (Check! Check! CHECK!)

*SWOON*

I dunno about Wonderland, but I got a fantasy that she can help me play out.

Afishionados,

Mike…ummm… caught and kept my attention tonight with his post about Massachusetts Senator, Scott Brown. Well, not Scott Brown so much as Scott Brown’s daughters.

Scott Brown's daughters are hot

Well, dang! I hope they’re into politics as much as their father, because I got an open seat for BOTH of them.

Afishionados,

I didn’t watch the Golden Globes because there is simply too much porn out there, and that must take precedence. But today I found out I missed out on a couple of things by not watching. A couple of really great, big things.

Miss Holloway's Golden Globes

Turns out, Miss Holloway was at the Golden Globes. And while the Golden Globes are full of tits in hollywood, Miss Holloway’s are the only ones that mattered.

Afishionados,

Joey has passed along the most urgent of news. Seriously, folks, this is like front page material and should be on all the 24/7 news channels. Heck, I’d go so far as to say it’s THE single-most important story of the year.

Joey sends via The Huffington Post:

A letter from a US Marine captain criticizing Australian women’s clothing, or lack thereof, has prompted angry rebukes from Aussie men and women.

Can you believe this fucking guy? Captain John Campbell has got a lot of guts and a lot of nerve. Seriously, it takes BALLS to join the Marines if you’re a raging homosexual, which John Campbell may very well be. No straight man in his right mind would EVER tell scantily-clad Australian women to cover up! If you click the HP link and read the article, you’ll notice that John Campbell has no complaints about half-naked (or wholly-naked) Australian dudes, just hot Australian chicks.

Here’s what Captain John Campbell probably looks like:

Captain John Campbell, Possibly Gay

I’m embarrassed, folks. Truly. I think the best (and proper) thing for the United States to do is apologize. I’m willing to go that extra mile for my country and apologize to each and every beautiful Australian woman in the whole friggin’ Land of OZ. Yep, I’m all for getting friendly Down Under. If you’re an attractive Australian female and would like an apology, please leave your contact information in the comments below. You may also (and in fact, are encouraged) to attach a scantily-clad photo of yourself. Or two. Or a hundred.

Well, I’d best be off to Australia to clean up this friggin’ mess of Captain John Campbell. I mean, it’s not like this is the first time a NAVY man has to fix a Marine’s fuck up. And someone has to… um… stand up for Miranda and her rights, don’t they?

Miranda Kerr, Hot Australian

Oh, I’m saluting already!

Afishionados,

Hey, whaddya know?

Christmas Eve

It’s Christmas Eve.

Afishionados,

Afishionados,

I’ve left Sterling Cooper for another job because Sterling Cooper wasn’t as advertised. I’ve been away from the office for about a week now, but one of my former colleagues sent along an image her latest project:

This would make me want to cut my wrists

According to Peggy, she has to cut 22 triangles out of 800 cards. That’s 17,600 triangles, or 52,800 cuts. This is perhaps the biggest reason I left Sterling Cooper in the first place: All I was ever asked to do was stand and cut shit out. And boy am I glad I left before THIS shit started. I don’t know what happened to the “participate in critiques” and the “work on design projects” spiel that was posted on the Sterling Cooper web site because “bitch work” is all I was ever asked to do.

The new gig is off to a good start, but I already miss Miss Holloway. All the time we spent together coming and going, in and out and in and out and in and out at the office…

*Sniff*.

Goodbye, Miss Holloway, you will be missed.

Afishionados,

Transformers 2 arrived on Blu-Ray and DVD today. The movie was entertaining for what it was (a popcorn action sequel with no real cohesion or plot). While neither Transformers movie will ever win any awards for Best Picture, I do find them entertaining and enjoy all the explosions, special effects, and pointless Bayhem. I loved the original series as a kid (it was equally pointless in retrospect), so there is some nostalgia involved whilst watching the new CG blockbusters. They’re as faithful as they can be while still being modern-day versions of GM cars. And, for the original fans, the same actor returning as the voice of Optimus Prime kicks ass.

There is at least one element to the Transformers movies that sets them apart from other hollywood action flicks, however, and that is the music. The soundtracks are arguably TOO good for the movies, something that is not uncommon in Hollywood IMHO. Below are two of my favorite songs from the original Transformers film. The score was written by Steve Jablonsky, who has quickly climbed his way into one of my top spots of film composers.

These are the full songs, but in Flash format and encoded at a lower bit rate so as to save on bandwidth, leechers, and would-be music pirates. However, I believe they’re good enough quality for you to listen to and (hopefully) appreciate them as much as I do.

The All Spark The All Spark is a pivotal plot (I use the term loosely) element and its theme is central to the film’s score. It’s often repeated during “hero moments” or when something “dramatic” occurs. I absolutely love this tune, and think it is one of the greatest songs to come out of Hollywood scores ever. It’s just beautiful, especially from 1:31 onward.

Arrival to Earth The Transformers themselves are alien robots from another planet, and this is the song played when they arrive on Earth (in case you couldn’t deduce this from the title of the song). This tune is often played at “hero moments” as well, especially if Optimus Prime is shooting, brawling, or is otherwise preoccupied with kicking another Transformer’s cybernetic ass.

Megan Fox

And, for those of you who don’t want to listen to the music or can’t handle reading so much text, here’s a photo of Megan Fox, who stars in both Transformers movies and attempts to act but fails miserably.

Afishionados,

Miss Holloway is hotter than U

Miss Holloway stopped by my desk today, asking for help with an animated GIF and a magazine advertisement. She was practically breathing down my neck, but the trouble didn’t start until I tried to breathe down hers. She didn’t believe me when I told her I could breathe through my tongue.

I spent a good while on the animated GIF, trying to cram in too much text into a tiny little fuckin’ space. I musta spent too much time on it, though, because the next thing I knew it was almost quitting time and Miss Holloway swung by AGAIN to check up on the progress of the ad. Shoot, I hadn’t even started yet!

But, as luck would have it, I did manage to get it done before it was time to close up shop. I didn’t have a choice, really. When I’m behind on my work, Miss Holloway won’t let me work on her behind.

Miss Holloway's super-fine ass

Mad Man

Afishionados,

My first day at Stirling and Cooper went very well. I spent all day cutting stuff out with an X-Acto knife. Only managed to cut myself once, and no blood ever touched the product. Imagine the irony if I had been cutting fliers for Tampax or something. Blood would’ve been absorbed instantly.

Oh, shit. I better skedaddle. Miss Holloway’s been watching me write my blog instead of doing actual WORK. Or maybe it’s just time for a drink, a smoke, and a fuck.

Miss Holloway is smokin'. And she likes to drink. And I'd fuck her.