Afishionados,
Heart-Shaped but Shit Flavored
Because I love each and every one of U, I have decided to show you just how much by buying you your very own pizza. My favorite pizza shop in the whole wide world has a special right now featuring heart-shaped pizzas. You’re gonna love ‘em, I swear1.
1I’m lying. They taste like shit.
Afishionados,
Hey, whaddya know?
Christmas Eve
It’s Christmas Eve.
Afishionados,
Christmas time must be here, because the family has been arriving throughout the day (and night). The half of the family that is already here has been scurrying and cleaning for hours now. Doc has been hard at work, tackling the ongoing battle that is the cat litter box. A neat-freak whose pedantry rivals event the best, Doc not only scrubs the shitbox out, but filters and sifts for the tiniest of cat nuggets in much the same way as one might pan for gold. Like Jane Goodall among the apes, I observe from the sidelines and, as best as I can tell, the ultimate goal is to remove even the most miniscule of trinkets and reuse as much litter as possible.
Panning for Cat Shit
Seeing as how Doc is Chinese, I suppose the cat should be glad it gets such exceptional treatment. After all, it could be much worse.
The other white meat.
Afishionados,
Come one, come all! Come as many times as you can!
The inmates escaped from white rooms!
They’ve chewed their restraints
And caused many complaints
From the Rev on the day of our doom.
Afishionados,
The dish that’s most preferred.
I thought this year that I would try
I’ve always hoped to try it
My mind can’t help but wonder
Just how friggin GOOD a bird
Might be when from Down Under.
–
And now that I have found one
I’m sure it is the best
But now I’m torn, where should I start?
With thigh?
or with a breast?
Only pirates and homosexuals (and homosexual pirates) can pull off outfits like this.
Arrrrrrrfishionados,
Happy International Talk Like a Pirate Day. This might just be the best ITLAPD ever, because the folks over at Telltale Games are giving away the first episode of the brand new Tales of Monkey Island game for free! But hurry, shipmates, because the deal only lasts for 24 hours. It’s chock full of pirates, sword fighting, grog, and monkeys! FREE MONKEYS! You can’t pass that up!
Another good thing about ITLAPD is that it gives me a chance to show off my new crescent wench:
Crescent Wench
You guys can thank me after you wipe the drool from your chins and wash your hands. You’re welcome.
Afishionados,
I recommend watching the HD version unless you are on a dial-up connection and/or have a very old and slow computer. As is the case with anything Rasputin, bigger is always better. In addition, Mac users (or Windows users with QuickTime) may download an iPhone-friendly version right here.
Old Fish and Lemonade™ is Copyright © 2009. No images or text may be reposted or reused without the express written permission of the author. OFAL utilizes a heavily-modified version of Black Letterhead by Ulysses Ronquillo. All rights reserved.
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