Afishionados,
Heart-Shaped but Shit Flavored
Because I love each and every one of U, I have decided to show you just how much by buying you your very own pizza. My favorite pizza shop in the whole wide world has a special right now featuring heart-shaped pizzas. You’re gonna love ‘em, I swear1.
1I’m lying. They taste like shit.
Afishionados,
Delicious Hunan Chicken
Went out for Chinese with mom tonight. I was enjoying my hunan chicken when I overhear a portion of an elderly couple’s conversation.
…Anus shaver, with her husband. I think they did it together.
I stopped eating immediately and looked at mom.
“What the hell are they talking about?”
“What do you mean?”
“She just said ‘anus shaver’, didn’t she?”
Mom snorts on a pepper from her hunan shrimp.
“Anice Shaffer. She said Anice Shaffer!”
“Oh. Oops.”
Afishionados,
Joey Polanski likes Nested Egg Dolls.
Joey shoves these up his buttski
And he likes little girls.
Joey's Favorite Book
So I found him the perfect gift today:
The Perfect Giftski for Joey Polanski
Hamov vodker, ol’ palski!
Afishionados,
Some of us aren’t playing with a full deck. Some of us are. Me? I got a whole lot of elephant cards and I’m ready to play a game with you.
Elephant Cards
First, though, you’re gonna have to DRAW one of my elephant cards. And hurry up, will ya? Like, while we still got some life left.
Draw an Elephant. Card.
Afishionados,
He'll give you hogwarts
Albus Dumbledore is the Headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry from the Harry Potter books. He’s a wizard, Order of Merlin First Class. He’s also gay.
Gandalf the White doesn't care about Labor Day
This is Gandalf the White from The Lord of the Rings. He’s played by the actor Ian McKellan. Ian is, in fact, not a wizard at all. But he is a homosexual.
Ain't NASCAR just grand?
This is a redneck. He thinks the Grand Wizard is a swell guy. I wonder if he’s aware of the pattern I’ve discovered among wizards…
Afishionados,
Hey, whaddya know?
Christmas Eve
It’s Christmas Eve.
Afishionados,
On my way to Cincinnati this morning, I felt as though I had temporarily lost my way for a bit. It was almost as if I couldn’t remember who I was, what I was doing, or how I got there. The NPR program on the radio… Had I heard it before? Strange that so many things felt familiar, and yet brand new at the same time. Fortunately, everything came swirling back to me and I regained cognition after just a few miles on the highway. How odd…
Which Way Did I Go?
Nun the Miser
But Sally was not having fun.
She’d asked for a toy
That she’d hoped to enjoy
But instead ended up getting nun.
Afishionados,
Jozafat and Majewski Polanski on the old shipski
On this day in the early 1900s, Jozafat and his homunculus, Majewski, are the first Polanski immigrants to settle and start a new life in America. Unfortunately, due to anti-Semitic locals and a failure to communicate, Jozafat struggles to find work due to constantly introducing his homunculus by stating, “This here’s Majewski.”
Afishionados,
The holidays are approaching and stress levels seem to to increase as that happens. At least in my family. We don’t do a single holiday without a good fight over something really retarded. Anyhow, intrepid Afishionado Simply C. might just have the solution in getting the family to chill the fuck out:
Better than the Man Chowder
Old Fish and Lemonade™ is Copyright © 2009. No images or text may be reposted or reused without the express written permission of the author. OFAL utilizes a heavily-modified version of Black Letterhead by Ulysses Ronquillo. All rights reserved.
Powered by WordPress v 2.9.2.
Page in 0.537 seconds.
