Afishionados,

Been AWOL for family reasons. Been doing lots of drinking.

You know, instead of hanging out with Anaglyph, Joey, and Yuliya.

Afishionados,

The Stirling & Cooper building has a lot of windows. They were just cleaned this week, and perhaps too well.

A now dead but formerly dumb bird

What is more likely, however, is that the birds are just trying to fucking kill me as usual. Well, TOO BAD, SUCKERS! MUWHAHAHA!!! They can’t get me inside. But that doesn’t stop them from exploring the compound for structural weaknesses. Three other birds were killed at the other end of the building about a day after this sonovabitch.

R.I.P. Motherfucker

The fifth one this week was my favorite. Not the bird, mind you. Fuck no, I hate all birds. It’s my favorite because it smashed its head into the glass, thus providing the perfect photo opportunity thanks to a Halloween decoration. Bits of his feathers are still stuck to the glass. Nice, try, asshole, but you’ll never take me alive!

Crows

These guys, however…

Afishionados,

So I’m listening to Claire De Lune on my iPhone thanks to Last.fm. And then I notice the ribbon on the corner of the album artwork…

Looks like Claude made a healthy recovery from that rectal cancer after all.

Afishionados,

A magazine I subscribe to apparently knows when I am going to die. “Details inside”, yet I’m scared to open it and see exactly when and how. I mean, what if it says “Upon reading this, you’ll kick the bucket” ? I think I’d rather leave my death to chance. It’s been nice knowing [most of] you.

Afishionados,

Michael Jackson’s death has really stolen the spotlight away from Farrah Fawcett’s death. I can’t say that my friends and I were big Michael Jackson fans, but we were DEFINITELY fans of Charlie’s Angels. Damn. It’s really gonna be hard for us at the convention this year. While we may not be able to get all the autographs we’d hoped for, there’s some consolation in knowing that we still have our costumes.

As you can see, I’m just torn up over the news of Farrah’s death. Joey, well… Since when the fuck is Joey sure of what’n the hell is going on? And Anaglyph’s just happy that his hair isn’t all fucked up yet.

Special thanks to Cissy Strutt for taking such a fantastic photo of us and for dropping us off at the mall on Saturdays.

EDIT: I would also like to take this opportunity to give a shout out to the Australian nurse of my [wet] dreams and Fourth Angel, Nurse Myra who, up until this very moment, has eluded my blogroll. Well, no more, my love.

Afishionados,

Rest in peace, Mr. Whitmore. You will be missed.

Afishionados,

Afishionado Andrew has, a great personal risk, kindly sent this along. Was this how Barbaro really died? Is it all just one big conspiracy? It looks like a black, government sedan… What do you think?

Afishionados,

I don’t know what’s happening with me today, but I have been awake and sick since 6:00 A.M. with dry heaves and other fun, bodily mishaps. I feel okay other than the hurling from one end and, well… some other nasty feature at the other.

I’m so thirsty that I think I’d even drink water from the pool at this point, but I can’t keep anything down. Water, 7-Up, oatmeal… Nothin’. It all comes back to visit me again (and again, and again).

It even takes all my energy to type this out. Wish I could keep something down, I would LOVE an iced tea. Hopefully that presidential nominee Polanski’s health care plan will help me in the future.

Time for another nap,

JediMacFan

Afishionados,

Good news for the War on Feather. Herbie and I have been road trippin’ for the past couple days, driving from Seattle to Ohio. Armed with bottled water and the radio, we made our way east posthaste. (Also, as it turns out, Volkswagen New Beetles, when released back into the open wild, are capable of speeds of 113 MPH through Utah.)

As loyal readers of Old Fish and Lemonade know, all birds are out to kill me. Which is why I am happy to report that, while traveling through Nebraska, Iowa, or some other pointless plains state (I can’t remember), Herbie was attacked by a bird. And won.

While cruising at a comfortable 85 MPH, a small, gray bird flew in front of the car, and LANDED on the road, DIRECTLY in line with the front passenger tire. (Ironically, this is the same tire that killed the raccoon.) Well, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that:

1.) I hate birds

and

2.) It’s impossible to stop immediately from speeds in excess of 5 MPH

So, as you can imagine, the bird lost. After a rather delightful sounding “THWAP”, I looked in the rearview mirror and looked upon a cloud of feathers. It looked like someone had thrown a pillow into a fan. Awesome. One less of their minions to shit on my car. Justice!

Afishionados,

It’s been all over the news that Barbaro the horse has died today. My local news channel reported that a fund has been set up in the horse’s honor and has already raised over a million dollars. Apparently, proceeds will go to help other horses or animals with their animal problems.

Fans and past sexual partners of Barbaro also sent emails to the horse (before it died, of course) wishing it “good luck” and better health. Unfortunately (and obviously) in the end, these emails did little good for two reasons:

1.) Horses can’t read email.
2.) The damn thing died anyway.

Is this really newsworthy? Why did I have to hear about Barbaro for 10 minutes?

It’s just a goddam horse.