Afishionados,

Been AWOL for family reasons. Been doing lots of drinking.

You know, instead of hanging out with Anaglyph, Joey, and Yuliya.

Afishionados,

Joey Polanski likes Nested Egg Dolls.

Joey shoves these up his buttski

And he likes little girls.

Joey's Favorite Book

So I found him the perfect gift today:

The Perfect Giftski for Joey Polanski

Hamov vodker, ol’ palski!

Afishionados,

Joey has passed along the most urgent of news. Seriously, folks, this is like front page material and should be on all the 24/7 news channels. Heck, I’d go so far as to say it’s THE single-most important story of the year.

Joey sends via The Huffington Post:

A letter from a US Marine captain criticizing Australian women’s clothing, or lack thereof, has prompted angry rebukes from Aussie men and women.

Can you believe this fucking guy? Captain John Campbell has got a lot of guts and a lot of nerve. Seriously, it takes BALLS to join the Marines if you’re a raging homosexual, which John Campbell may very well be. No straight man in his right mind would EVER tell scantily-clad Australian women to cover up! If you click the HP link and read the article, you’ll notice that John Campbell has no complaints about half-naked (or wholly-naked) Australian dudes, just hot Australian chicks.

Here’s what Captain John Campbell probably looks like:

Captain John Campbell, Possibly Gay

I’m embarrassed, folks. Truly. I think the best (and proper) thing for the United States to do is apologize. I’m willing to go that extra mile for my country and apologize to each and every beautiful Australian woman in the whole friggin’ Land of OZ. Yep, I’m all for getting friendly Down Under. If you’re an attractive Australian female and would like an apology, please leave your contact information in the comments below. You may also (and in fact, are encouraged) to attach a scantily-clad photo of yourself. Or two. Or a hundred.

Well, I’d best be off to Australia to clean up this friggin’ mess of Captain John Campbell. I mean, it’s not like this is the first time a NAVY man has to fix a Marine’s fuck up. And someone has to… um… stand up for Miranda and her rights, don’t they?

Miranda Kerr, Hot Australian

Oh, I’m saluting already!

Afishionados, Joey,

It wasn't an option, Joey.

Afishionados,

Click to Embiggen

What are you waiting for? COME RHYME and BE LONG!

Afishionados,

Come one, come all! Come as many times as you can!

Afishionados,

Jozafat and Majewski Polanski on the old shipski

On this day in the early 1900s, Jozafat and his homunculus, Majewski, are the first Polanski immigrants to settle and start a new life in America. Unfortunately, due to anti-Semitic locals and a failure to communicate, Jozafat struggles to find work due to constantly introducing his homunculus by stating, “This here’s Majewski.”

Afishionados,

Happy Halloweenie! And what better time than Halloween to reveal the Rasputin International Poetry Exhibition’s new poster and official trailer! Honestly, is there anything scarier?

Click to View the RIPE Trailer in HD (SFW)

Click to view Rasputin in… um.. all his glory. You may also view the new trailer on YouTube and embed it on your own site if you so choose. The festivities begin January 1st and if you’re feeling pedantic, you can read up on all the rules right here. And remember, Rasputin’s the kind of joke you don’t want anywhere near your insides, so make sure you put on some kind of protection or something. Also, for the very first time, “official” Rasputin swag is available at the Rasputin International Poetry Exhibition Swag Headquarters, complete with detailed descriptions! Yes, Cowmrades, you can even obtain your very own RIPE T-shirt in addition to other precious things of the shop!

Adorn yourself in His glory!

One of the biggest goals of RIPE this year (aside from ol’ Rasputin himself) is to try and get more poets and players. So, if you’d like to help spread the word, you can do so by placing a smaller and slightly modified version of the poster in your sidebar. Here is the code:

<a href="http://www.tetherdcow.com/?page_id=1294" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.oldfishandlemonade.com/pix/ripeminiposter.png" alt="Rasputin International Poetry Exhibition" title="Rasputin International Poetry Exhibition" border="0"></a>

That’s it! The link should appear in your sidebar as it does here on The Fish.

The logo is all my doing, but once again I must send out a huge, Rasputin-sized thanks to my good pal Joey Polanski for his help with the RIPE slogan, the post title, and for his assistance with the trailer music. Lots of time (literally hours), effort, and design went into this year’s campaign, folks, so I hope you at least get a laugh out of it. Enjoy, and fuckin’ participate this year, would ya?

Afishionados,

Click to Watch the RIPE Teaser Trailer

The annual Tetherd Cow Ahead Rasputin International Poetry Exhibition (RIPE) is approaching! Grab your notebooks and pencils, folks, because Year V will be here before you know it. In the meantime, refresh yourself with the rules and enjoy the teaser trailer. The video is in 720p HD Flash format. You may also embed and view it via YouTube.

And be sure to snag yourself a high-res copy of the RIPE teaser poster (12″ x 18″). Depending on the size of your screen, the poster may display smaller. Right-click to save it to your computer.

I assure you, there is plenty more where this came from. Stay tuned…

Many thanks to Joey Polanski for the new RIPE slogan.

Afishiondaos,

The Other OTHER Lil' Bastard

The homunculus, atop his chair

Stared out of his win-dow

He pulled the curtain back and said,

“HEY! Where the fuck is Joe?”