Afishionados,

Happy Halloweenie! And what better time than Halloween to reveal the Rasputin International Poetry Exhibition’s new poster and official trailer! Honestly, is there anything scarier?

Click to View the RIPE Trailer in HD (SFW)

Click to view Rasputin in… um.. all his glory. You may also view the new trailer on YouTube and embed it on your own site if you so choose. The festivities begin January 1st and if you’re feeling pedantic, you can read up on all the rules right here. And remember, Rasputin’s the kind of joke you don’t want anywhere near your insides, so make sure you put on some kind of protection or something. Also, for the very first time, “official” Rasputin swag is available at the Rasputin International Poetry Exhibition Swag Headquarters, complete with detailed descriptions! Yes, Cowmrades, you can even obtain your very own RIPE T-shirt in addition to other precious things of the shop!

Adorn yourself in His glory!

One of the biggest goals of RIPE this year (aside from ol’ Rasputin himself) is to try and get more poets and players. So, if you’d like to help spread the word, you can do so by placing a smaller and slightly modified version of the poster in your sidebar. Here is the code:

<a href="http://www.tetherdcow.com/?page_id=1294" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.oldfishandlemonade.com/pix/ripeminiposter.png" alt="Rasputin International Poetry Exhibition" title="Rasputin International Poetry Exhibition" border="0"></a>

That’s it! The link should appear in your sidebar as it does here on The Fish.

The logo is all my doing, but once again I must send out a huge, Rasputin-sized thanks to my good pal Joey Polanski for his help with the RIPE slogan, the post title, and for his assistance with the trailer music. Lots of time (literally hours), effort, and design went into this year’s campaign, folks, so I hope you at least get a laugh out of it. Enjoy, and fuckin’ participate this year, would ya?

Afishionados,

The Ares I-X Launches! Photo © NASA

Today was a historical day, yet few people seem to realize it. NASA successfully launched the Ares I-X rocket this morning, which is set to replace the aging [read: old as FUCK] space shuttle, due to be retired in 2010. NASA hopes the Ares I, along with the Ares V, will take astronauts back to the moon and beyond sometime around 2015.

I was at Sterling & Cooper when the launch occurred, but thankfully NASA had a QuickTime stream of it that I could watch for free. Miss Holloway and I watched together. She sat on my lap the whole time. When asked what her favorite part about the whole thing was, Miss Holloway said, “I like all the thrust.”

NASA had attempted to launch the Ares I-X yesterday morning, but poor weather conditions forced a scrub. The launch was rescheduled for today at 8:00 A.M. ET, so of course it was launched today around 11:30 A.M. It was amazing, and I wish I could have been there to see it in person instead of a rather crappy QuickTime stream.

The Ares I-X in the Air Photo © NASA

The entire mission lasted only a few minutes, which is more than I can say for some people and their rockets who are more likely to explode before they even get up. To my knowledge, the Ares I-X was a huge success with no failures. Unfortunately, the video stream I watched did not show the parachutes and splashdown, though NASA claims that even the recovery went as expected. Hopefully more details are released as data from the mission is gathered and analyzed.

A View from Above. Photo © NASA. Video © CNN. Click to play.

For those of you who missed the launch, I have shamelessly pilfered the footage from CNN’s web site and reposted it here for your viewing pleasure. CNN’s video is much better quality than was NASA’s live stream. The colors and pixelation aren’t near as bad. NASA can land men on the moon and rovers on Mars, but they can’t stream an HD feed, apparently.

Now that Ares I-X has proven successful, I look forward to future launches and further developments with NASA’s Constellation program. I don’t know if today’s successful mission means Ares gets to lose its “X” designation or not, but hopefully we’re one step closer, if not a giant leap. I also hope that today’s mission persuades the Obama administration to keep funding the program so that it doesn’t suffer the same fate as Apollo. One of these days, Ares, BANG, ZOOM! To the moon!

"Norton, we have a problem."

Afishionados,

I hope you paid attention when I educated all of you about the shittiness of Windows. If not, go back and read it. I’ll wait here.

As I am sure you all know, Microsoft has released Windows 7 unto the world and I, like a glossy-eyed retard, bought the student version for $30 because I can only play PC games through Windows, XP is getting long in the tooth, and Vista fucking blows. Thankfully, Microsoft was kind enough to let me upgrade my pirated copy of Windows Vista to Windows 7 Pro. Once I was up and running, I tried to easily view an FTP folder and was greeted with this delightful window in Internet Explorer. I followed the instructions given and received an even more confusing popup:

Click for Full Size Stupidity

I also got my first Blue Screen of Death in years. Vista, as much as it sucks, never gave me the BSOD once. Good ol’ Windows 7, however, didn’t waste any time in reminding me of Microsoft’s inferiority. At least it was only $30.

However, lest some other glossy-eyed Windows retard stop by and chastise me for being too Mac-biased [Note: I am], I observed something nearly as stupid tonight for Apple’s Safari browser. I used to have a wonderful ad blocking plugin for Mac that was rendered inoperable with the latest 64 bit release of Mac OS X. Tonight, while searching for an alternative, I came across this site:

Click for Full Size Stupidity

Ad Blocker FAIL. My search for the cure to eliminate Hulu and YouTube Flash ads continues…

Afishionados,

Transformers 2 arrived on Blu-Ray and DVD today. The movie was entertaining for what it was (a popcorn action sequel with no real cohesion or plot). While neither Transformers movie will ever win any awards for Best Picture, I do find them entertaining and enjoy all the explosions, special effects, and pointless Bayhem. I loved the original series as a kid (it was equally pointless in retrospect), so there is some nostalgia involved whilst watching the new CG blockbusters. They’re as faithful as they can be while still being modern-day versions of GM cars. And, for the original fans, the same actor returning as the voice of Optimus Prime kicks ass.

There is at least one element to the Transformers movies that sets them apart from other hollywood action flicks, however, and that is the music. The soundtracks are arguably TOO good for the movies, something that is not uncommon in Hollywood IMHO. Below are two of my favorite songs from the original Transformers film. The score was written by Steve Jablonsky, who has quickly climbed his way into one of my top spots of film composers.

These are the full songs, but in Flash format and encoded at a lower bit rate so as to save on bandwidth, leechers, and would-be music pirates. However, I believe they’re good enough quality for you to listen to and (hopefully) appreciate them as much as I do.

The All Spark The All Spark is a pivotal plot (I use the term loosely) element and its theme is central to the film’s score. It’s often repeated during “hero moments” or when something “dramatic” occurs. I absolutely love this tune, and think it is one of the greatest songs to come out of Hollywood scores ever. It’s just beautiful, especially from 1:31 onward.

Arrival to Earth The Transformers themselves are alien robots from another planet, and this is the song played when they arrive on Earth (in case you couldn’t deduce this from the title of the song). This tune is often played at “hero moments” as well, especially if Optimus Prime is shooting, brawling, or is otherwise preoccupied with kicking another Transformer’s cybernetic ass.

Megan Fox

And, for those of you who don’t want to listen to the music or can’t handle reading so much text, here’s a photo of Megan Fox, who stars in both Transformers movies and attempts to act but fails miserably.

Afishionados,

I know most of you out there could use a little more Prune Tang in your life. Well, there’s plenty to go around so snatch some up, whydontcha? Lap it up, already!

Afishionados,

Miss Holloway is hotter than U

Miss Holloway stopped by my desk today, asking for help with an animated GIF and a magazine advertisement. She was practically breathing down my neck, but the trouble didn’t start until I tried to breathe down hers. She didn’t believe me when I told her I could breathe through my tongue.

I spent a good while on the animated GIF, trying to cram in too much text into a tiny little fuckin’ space. I musta spent too much time on it, though, because the next thing I knew it was almost quitting time and Miss Holloway swung by AGAIN to check up on the progress of the ad. Shoot, I hadn’t even started yet!

But, as luck would have it, I did manage to get it done before it was time to close up shop. I didn’t have a choice, really. When I’m behind on my work, Miss Holloway won’t let me work on her behind.

Miss Holloway's super-fine ass

Afishionados,

Plugged up

Some of U are so uptight

That I can’t even get an invite!

So go grab a spoon

A bowl and some prunes

And slurp ’til you’re loosened, alright?

Afishionados,

Soup

I sure could use U and a nice piece of S.

Afishionados,

On November 7, 1962, the Grumman Corporation won the contract to build the lunar module for the United States’ Apollo space program. Grumman ended up building thirteen lunar modules for NASA, each one of them by hand. The estimated cost for all the lunar modules was $11 million dollars. Grumman went on to bid for the contract for the space shuttle, but ultimately lost to Rockwell International. While the Grumman group has won other government contracts and has built other flying contraptions for the government (the F-14 Tomcat, for example), the company has yet to build any space-related vehicles since the Apollo program.

Something that many folks may not realize, however, is that the Grumman folks are responsible for building for the government a vehicle that is arguably just as recognizable as the lunar module. And that vehicle is the Grumman LLV:

Grumman LLV

The Grumman LLV is what the postal service uses to deliver the mail to homes across the U.S. I know the mailman in my area loves his, because his ass rarely even steps outside of the damn thing. If you live in the U.S. and haven’t seen one of these before, then you’ve obviously never been outside your house. It’s one of the few government vehicles where you don’t need any special training to drive, too. Heck, you don’t even have to have a clearance or be trusted to drive one of these babies.

It’s been 37 years since the United States (or any country, for that matter) has landed humans on the moon. NASA has begun work on a new rocket to replace the [very] outdated space shuttle. As you may have noticed in my sidebar, the first test launch of the new Ares rocket is scheduled for October 27, 2009. The Ares rocket is part of the new Constellation space program, which NASA hopes will take us back to the moon sometime around 2020, as well as to Mars in the distant future.

No doubt questions abound with regard to the new Constellation program. Why are we going back to the moon? Why bother going to Mars? Is space exploration really that important? Each person must judge for themselves, I suppose, though I am of the opinion that space exploration is important. After all, this planet won’t last forever and who knows what me might learn from the experience?

But the number one question on my mind (and I don’t think I am alone here) is, “How long until we land a mailman on the moon?” Or, at the very least, fake it nine times?

Landing a Mailman on the Moon

Afishionados,

Click to Watch the RIPE Teaser Trailer

The annual Tetherd Cow Ahead Rasputin International Poetry Exhibition (RIPE) is approaching! Grab your notebooks and pencils, folks, because Year V will be here before you know it. In the meantime, refresh yourself with the rules and enjoy the teaser trailer. The video is in 720p HD Flash format. You may also embed and view it via YouTube.

And be sure to snag yourself a high-res copy of the RIPE teaser poster (12″ x 18″). Depending on the size of your screen, the poster may display smaller. Right-click to save it to your computer.

I assure you, there is plenty more where this came from. Stay tuned…

Many thanks to Joey Polanski for the new RIPE slogan.