Afishionados,

Stopped by a Chipotle restaurant yesterday with Grandma to pick up a tasty steak burrito. On the way home, the dumbest dog in America decided to run out in front of the car. The dog did not have a collar on and it looked a lot like the mangy dog from the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. And though I could see the dog out of the corner of my eye and I instinctively knew that it was going to bolt out in front of the vehicle, I wasn’t able to bring the car to a complete stop from the 35 MPH that Grandma and I were traveling at.

Holy Fucking Shit That's a Car!

Well, that isn’t completely true. I definitely came to a complete stop once I actually hit the dog. Car definitely stopped then, I promise you. At this point, I wasn’t sure what was worse: knowing that I had hit the dog or hearing an 85-year-old lady trying to figure out what to do by yelling at me like I had done this on purpose.

Sure, I’ve hit animals before, and enjoyed it on at least one occasion. But I happen to like dogs, and I would never want to drive over one on purpose. I pulled over to the side of the road for a moment and saw that the dog had gotten up, was panting (and rightfully so) and then walked away as though nothing was wrong. So I continued to drive home.

And before you PETA Nazis start to chastise me for not stopping, the dog jumped out in front of the car without my permission, I had no idea whose dog it was or where it had been, and I didn’t want to chance something like getting bitten or dealing with rabies. I mean, I am pretty sure that if someone hit me with a car and then approached me after, I’d fucking bite them, no question.

Now, had the dog remained lying there, then yes, I would have scooped it up and taken it to the emergency pet hospital  about a mile away. But, the dog got up and walked away with a goddam smile on its face. And if it can get up and walk away, it means the dog is fully capable of biting. It was very reminiscent of that scene with Kevin Costner in Dances with Wolves when he makes the suicide run and lives. I think the dog did it on purpose. Perhaps the makers of Shoo!TAG™ can come up with a really powerful device that emits enough hokum energy to repel a moving vehicle.

And I know what the #1 question on your mind is and I am here to allay any concerns that you may have about it. Rest assured that, once I got home, my burrito was still hot.

My Chipotle Burrito

Afishionados,

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Afishionados,

Mom’s into needlework and quilting, and one of the things she likes to do is redwork. Sometimes she gets free patterns, and sometimes they’re free for a reason. Like this ‘winner’:

Why is there a space at the bottom of his last button? It looks to me that the snowman still has his nose, so I wonder what part of him the rabbit is eating. Suspicious…

Afishionados,

Loyal Afishionado Ly has informed me of the latest news in the world of superheroes. The 99 are here and make up the world’s first Muslim superheroes!

Looks like Bibleman will have some work cut out for him, as The 99 will no doubt serve as nemeses. Better dust off that armor, Bibleman.

The 99 is even being brought to British TV thanks to Endemol, which, coincidentally, is the plan of terrorists throughout the world with regard to us infidels. Anyway, the show is aimed to “instill Islamic values in children across all faiths” and is expected to do well. Let’s hope the show doesn’t bomb.

Afishionados,

So I’m listening to Claire De Lune on my iPhone thanks to Last.fm. And then I notice the ribbon on the corner of the album artwork…

Looks like Claude made a healthy recovery from that rectal cancer after all.

Afishionados,

Normally I am against blogs that have “Day” associated posts. You know, “Fun Friday” or “Photos of my Cat Saturday”. Every week it’s the same damn thing that you didn’t care about the week before, yet there it is AGAIN! I say that I am normally against them because I am abnormally fond of at least one:

Nurse Myra features a Corset Friday. Well, folks, I’ve been doing this blogging gig for years now and anyone who knows me well knows that if my Kryptonite is anything, it’s Australian women. But an Australian woman in a corset!?! Well, that’s like friggin red kryptonite!

Dang! I think I’m gonna need a bigger bib…

Afishionados,

A magazine I subscribe to apparently knows when I am going to die. “Details inside”, yet I’m scared to open it and see exactly when and how. I mean, what if it says “Upon reading this, you’ll kick the bucket” ? I think I’d rather leave my death to chance. It’s been nice knowing [most of] you.