Why American Kids are Fat
Afshionados,
I like to drive faster than the speed limit. I don’t drive NASCAR-crazy-fast, but I do go 5-10 MPH above the speed limit because I am an American, I’m impatient, and I’m pretty sure there’s something in the Manifest Destiny about being an American and it being my duty to drive fast. Or maybe that just applies if I am driving west.
So it really bothers me when I get behind school buses. They’re like big yellow road blocks designed to annoy. Not only are these monstrous, twinkies on wheels slow, but they stop at every block. No, this is not an exaggeration. The buses really stop every 20 yards or so and let off only a handful of kids. Why can’t the bus stop at one block, let ALL the kids off at once, and then let them walk to their houses? Maybe then the kids wouldn’t look like miniature versions of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Instead, It’s like a private limousine service. And why does it take so damn long for the bus to stop, turn on its flashy red lights and stop signs, and let the chublings off?
I’d complain more, but it’s time for me to get on my Segway and ride to McDonald’s for a double quarter pounder with cheese, some large fries, and a Coke. I wish they’d let me order over the phone and deliver, though. And I wish I could find someone to dial for me.
I’m personally for the theory that they make the kids get out and pull the bus. Also, I belive you should be able to hire one to dial for you – well, they’re gunna need jobs one day and god know’s they won’t make it to work without that bus.
Oh for Christ’s sake, you’ve got an iPhone. Just hit the golden arches symbol on the keyboard and the food will be delivered to you electronically.
Do I have to tell you how to do everything?
Kids are fat because parents stopped beating them. I was a skinny kid and then I grew up and my parents stopped beating me. Now look at me–I’m fat. It’s a proven fact that regular beatings help prevent weight gain.
Mike: What’s an iPhone? I’ve never heard of it.
And yes, kids need to be beaten more. I hope you still beat your kids, even if they are in college. That’s no excuse!
Why the hell are there school buses?
Shouldn’t the kids walk to school?
Maybe we should send these kids to China so they stop eating dogs & eat fat kids instead. Tasty.
C.Rag: Yes, the kids should walk to school. Or should be hitched up to a carriage and should pull me around since gas is $4/gallon.
We need to make sure they still appear on Maury Povich between the carriage pulling. As long as there are paternity test & fat kids, we will always have Maury
I beat my kids, my wife, and my cats. I don’t beat my dog though and she is a little on the fat side. Perhaps I shall beat her.
C.Rag: Yea, you’re right. We need to keep kids fat. Otherwise, what else will Maury have to eat?
Mike: You’re just fattening her up to eat her, right?
I think we should go back to the times when they sent kids down coalmines.
That’s the real source of the energy crisis: no cheap labour.
anaglyph: The fat ones would only get stuck, and then we’d have to call for backup.
I don’t know where you live, but here in oil rich Texas the bus only stops every 1/2 mile, sometimes futher apart. You gotta walk in this state because diesel is EXPENSIVE.
Shit, in my district alone they run 40, ooo miles of bus runs a day and I doubt there are any door to door routes
We make them walk.
redroach: Sorry, I stopped reading once I saw “Texas”.
Vixxie: You got flagged as SPAM. I blame Homeland Suck-urity.
Anyway, yes, I think the children should dial for me. Or else I will beat them. Or have Mike beat them. Either way, someone will do it.
You need to be advising the next President.
Ha! Screw Homeland, flag me all they want!
Mike sounds experienced in beating – ever thought of doing lessons?
Vixxie: Mike is only really experienced in beating off. And nobody wants to take lessons from him on that.
Haha!
So true, so true..
Let em eat cake.
Then chop off their heads.
I am from Europe, when i came first time to Europe i was shocked to see how fat Americans are! It is unbelievable. The fact women don’t cook anymore – saying they are too “Busy”- and buying fast food ( i personally would shut them down), most of food is sweet ( has corn syrup or sugar ) make these nation so fat! When i go to a shopping center, i park my car in a spot and then i just go walking to all the store. American women: they use the car all the time, they dont want to make an effort to walk. It is too much for them. The serving size in restaurants is huge, way too much food for a human being with some good sense.
In a word, i dont feel any mercy for Americans, obviously they don’t care about being so fat, so unhealty. It is their choice of living like that, so i really don’t care…it is just sad, that is all.
Dude.