Afishionados,

No, I am not talking about God’s Ass here. Sorry. Instead, I refer to the latest debacle to come from Australia. No, not Nicole Kidman (or her crack, for that matter). Sorry. As I am sure you have heard, Qantas Airlines has had two incidents this week with two of its jets.

It started with an explosion and a hole (as does anything remotely fun, right?) in one of Qantas’ 747s. One of the passengers exclaimed that “There was an almighty crack” in a written statement to the Australian Transport Safety Bureau. The plan made an emergency landing, and everyone was given a lollipop for being so good.

Then, today another Qantas jet had a problem with one of its landing gear doors not closing properly. This jet was forced to turn back 10 minutes after taking off. No lollis for those folks, though.

I want to (and someday will) go to Australia. Qantas is the airline that I will probably fly because they seem to have the cheapest flights from the USA to Australia. And now I know why they’re so cheap. Undoubtedly, it’s time for Qantas to stop spending horrendous amounts of its cash on its silly First Class lounges with its ambient soundscapes and focus more on the safety of its planes and passengers. And free pretzels.