Afishionados,

Whilst in search of bamboo for a 3D project, I happened upon this at a floral outlet store:

Afishionados,

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve no doubt heard that Rockstar Games has, at long last, released Grand Theft Auto IV to the masses. The past iterations within the GTA franchise have all been excellent games and early reviews of GTA claim that IV is the best yet. Plus, any game that has the ability to offend as many people as GTA has is worth playing. Be aware that the game is rated M for Mature for a reason. So if you are an overly diehard Christian, ignorant parent, easily offended, or cry yourself to sleep every night, then GTA IV probably isn’t the game for you.

So, for the next few weeks I’ll be stealing cars, shooting people, hooking up with hookers, causing mayhem and destruction, and no doubt a fair bit of vandalizing. Yep, just a regular ol’ week for me. Oh, and I’ll also be playing GTA IV.

Afishionados,

I’ve got a bad cold, and so I decided to make myself some chicken noodle soup. Microwaved from a Campbell’s can, just like mom used to reheat. This part went rather well, actually. I also filled a glass with ice cubes, as a means to chill my delicious Coca-Cola (I’m am addict). This part went okay, too. The problem came when I went for the pour. Because my eyes, with tears flowing like water from Niagara Falls, and my runny nose, with snot running like water from Niagara Falls, I felt my way to the open can of Coke like Ray Charles in a maze (not at Niagara Falls) and went to pour it into my frosty glass. But I missed the glass and poured it directly into my bowl of chicken noodle soup instead. But, I’m so sick, I didn’t even fucking care. I ate the soup anyway. It’s not like I could taste anything anyway.

Afishionados,

A shameless plug for my brother tonight because I think he deserves it. My brother, Narrow Dweeb, was in the market for a didgeridoo but discovered that affordable ones are $70+ in the catalogues. The cheaper ones are made from PVC piping and not wood.

So, what is a desperate ex-Marine-gone-Army-Reservist to do? Buy some PVC pipe and a heat gun is what! Yes, Narrow Dweeb has been making his own didgeridoos and playing them on his college campus because he’s crazy. He also has a talent knack for leaving me didgeridoo voicemail messages. At least, I think it’s him because I don’t know any Aboriginal Australians.

Here, for your viewing pleasure, are just a few of his didgeridoo creations. They sound just as good as the real (wooden) ones but look a lot cooler. Especially the flying tiger version, which is my favorite so far.

If this one has a model number, it would be “P-40″.

This one is also quite good and looks a lot like wood after some sanding, staining, and branding. I think it came out nicely.

Here’s a close up look at the “wooden” didgeridoo. It looks great!

I think it people are willing to pay $70 for a didgeridoo that my brother should sell them. I know at least one person who would like to see a Darth Vader or Halo 3 didgeridoo… But I… I mean “he” shall remain nameless.
:-X.

Afishionados,

Target gift cards specify “Ages 1½+” in the lower right-hand corner. And, honestly, what child wouldn’t want a nice plastic gift card in place of a toy? Remember, your kids are never too young to start being a part of corporate greed!

Afishionados,

I received in the mail today one of the coolest toys in existence: the Master Chief from Halo 3. Featured by McFarlane toys, the detail on such a small figurine is rather stunning.

Not only is the Master Chief meticulously detailed down to the finest scratches and dents, he’s also very posable.

The Master Chief does have a small cursing problem, though, and enjoys quoting lines from famous movies. I think he has a Napoleon complex because he is only 6 inches tall.

You can’t make fun of me for playing with dolls action figures either, because all the cool kids are doing it.

Afishionados,

I’m not a big fan of Hershey’s Kisses. You have to remove a whole roll of tin foil only to uncover a miniature piece of waxy chocolate. They’re more effort than they’re worth. And what’s with the stupid little flag?

I Googled for a photo of Hershey’s Kisses to coincide with my rant, and I discovered that you can buy your child a Hershey’s Kiss costume. Why would anyone do that? This costume is guaranteed to make your kid gay if it’s a boy. The Kiss hat will make him look like a princess. And those saddle shoes? No straight guy wears those. And if you should happen to buy this costume for a girl? It might not make her gay, but it will make her look too dumb to be seen in public. I guess the plus side is that if your child is ugly, you can wrap the dumb flag around their face so no one else is forced to look at them. There’s also good chance that the costume could also make your child a sociopathic killer. Don’t believe me? I offer up this photographic evidence:

Afishionados,

Afishionados,

Lotsa folks out there are big supporters of Barack Obama. They’ve all got their reasons, but I’m here to ask you just one question:

Is another black man in Washington D.C. begging for change really what this country needs?

Do the right thing. Vote Polanski.

Afishionados,

Posting about your pets is typically a blogging “no-no”, but I’ve been trying for months to capture my cat Jinx’s “retard look” and share it. Jinx gets this look quite often, but whenever I go to take a photo with my iPhone he runs away because sexy looking gadgets scare him. And because he’s retarded.

I managed to sneak up on him after he was done licking himself and sort of captured it as best I could. Typically, his jaw hangs down a lot more, like Carl from Slingblade, but he bolted moments after I snapped this shot. And now that I think about it, his look isn’t too far off from President Bush’s “thinking face”. Except I think Jinx actually gets a thought in his brain once in a while. And probably licks himself a lot less than Dubya, too.