Afishionados,

There exists within the United States Navy a rate (a.k.a. “job”) known as “hull technician”. Here is the job description from About.com:

HTs do the metal work necessary to keep all types of shipboard structures and surfaces in good condition. They also maintain shipboard plumbing and marine sanitation systems, repair small boats, operate and maintain ballast control systems, and manage the Quality Assurance Program.

There is an HT who is on the same firewatch team as me and, after meeting this guy, I find it difficult to believe that the Navy considers the HT rate and “advanced technical field”. To say this guy was stupid would be an insult to morons everywhere. I swear to you, this guy couldn’t find his own asshole with a flashlight and a map of his own butt.

The toilets onboard the carrier are more than capable of flushing a large cat down to the darkest depths of the sewage tanks. Inevitably (and unfortunately) there exist people in the world like my brother who can clog a toilet no matter what the water pressure.

When the shit sticks thick (or if you’ve crammed your porno magazine and cum-filled sock into the toilet), it’s time to call in the HTs. Because of this deplorable responsibility, HTs are more commonly known as “turd chasers”.

Back in the “good old days” of firewatch, I worked in the office and sent other poor, miserable souls out on watch while I sat in a comfy chair and reaped the benefits of “looking busy” and doing nothing.

Sadly, I am overqualified and have been replaced by a turd chaser. It’s not that I fucked up, pissed anyone off, or did anything wrong, it’s just the Navy. And the Navy feels that a shit-seeking hillbilly with a crustache is better suited for the job.

But all hope is not lost, for my people (a.k.a. Reactor Division, my “real home”) have come to their senses, realized their terrible mistake, and have sent forth a message posthaste, requesting my presence back in the plant.

That’s right, kids, Superman is getting out of the Phantom Zone! And there’s no way it can get any worse, right? Right? Guys…?

This entry was posted on Sunday, October 29th, 2006 at 6:53 pm and is filed under Bullshit, Nasty, Navy, Observations. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.