Since I live under a rock for 12 hours a day in a building with absolutely NO WINDOWS WHATSOEVER I often miss out on important world news events that shake our society to the very depths of its foundation. News stories so shocking that I am embarassed once I learn I’ve been living in absolute ignorance.

And other times I just miss out on overhyped media bullshit. Which brings me to the case of James Frey versus the All Knowing Vagina.

I’ve not read this book so I don’t have an opinion on its context per se, but anyone who tries to pull one over on ol’ Oprah is cruisin’ for a bruisin’. You just can’t make up lies and sell them as truths in the public eye! Who do you think you are? President Bush?

This audacious behavior of yours has hurt me, James. The African-American woman inside of me is crying right now because of what you’ve done. [Sniff] If only Dr. Phil were here to hug me.

I’ve learned something from James Frey today. I’ve learned that lying about personal memoirs and elaborating on “facts” may come back to haunt me. But only after my book is published and I get two rounds of free publicity for my book! This guy went on Oprah’s show once to hype the book then went back to “apologize” and spread the word even more. Smooth, Jimbo, very smooth.

I find it ironic that so many of the All Knowing Vagina’s readers/viewers are upset with what they read in Frey’s book. When I worked at Barnes and Noble, 99% of the people who wanted the latest Oprah book didn’t even know what it was called.

Customer: “Yes, hi, I’m looking for the newest Oprah book. It was just on her show today.”

Me, who does not watch Oprah and has been working while her show was on and Oprah did not have the decency to call me personally to inform me of what her new book would be, the bitch: “Do you remember the title?”

Customer: “Remember the Titans? No, that’s a Disney Movie. I’m looking for the new Oprah book.”

Me: “Yes, I understand that. What’s it called?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t remember but Oprah just loved it.”

Yes, I’m sure she did. Especially if it’s a depressing story about a poor southern family, maybe with a little abuse thrown in there to liven things up a bit.

I’ve been reading Bill Bryson’s book In a Sunburned Country over the past few months. I’m taking my time with it because I like it a lot and don’t want it to end. But with this recent James Frey fiasco, how can I trust memoirs and “nonfiction” books now? How do I know that Bill Bryson even went to Australia at all? How can I be sure that Mitch Albom really spent all those Tuesdays with Morrie? What’s to say it wasn’t a Saturday night?

I suppose if it’s facts I’m looking for, I can always turn to my old trusted friend, Fox News for the answers. They wouldn’t lie to me, would they?