Christmas Songs that Royally Suck #1
Words cannot express how much I hate this song. This is by far the worst Christmas song ever written. You don’t “wanna wish me a merry Christmas”, Jose’, because I despise you and only want to shoot you in the knee, have you castrated with a rusty spoon, and drag you behind a meatwagon through a rough neighborhood with hungry stray rabid dogs chasing after you.
I’m not really sure why I hate this song so much, I just do. I know Christmas has arrived when I hear it though. It signals the impending doom that is the holiday shopping rush (I always hear it when I am out shopping for Christmas presents and it’s always insanely busy. Apparently the song is reserved only for me and when I go out to a public place and cannot escape it).
I suppose the song could be worse, though. It could be a duet with Tori Amos (::shudder::) with music by Yanni and Kenny G. in the background. Oh, man, that is simply too brutal to think about. Excuse me while I clean up the blood dripping from my ears…
farva,
Only one song is worse than this jackass singing. That song is special and it is sung by somebody even more special. The song is funky town. The singer, well lets just say he needs no introduction. He is none other than our brother. Keep on keeping on, with a little funky town!!!!
“bead”
I would pay money to see Drew sing that song. Maybe not “American Dollars” though. Good times at the Tango cafe, eh boys?
- K
P.S. the word verification for this comment is SkvuYuxy which sounds like a horrific disease that one might contract if they listened to Feliz Navidad too many times.
You know, I always hated Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer even when I was a kid. It has that ‘try-hard’ Christmas cash-in quality about it, and as if that wasn’t bad enough, it’s a truly awful song about a stupid idea. What’s worse, it has affected the culture and millions of kids now think there’s a reindeer called Rudolph, with a shiny red nose.
If Rudolph ever comes by my roof, I’ve got my special Christmas Shotgun ready.
Think how great the mounted head’s gonna look on my door each year, with that nose glowing red.
K: I’m pretty sure I caught that disease at least twice while listening.
anaglyph:You mean Christmas isn’t about cashing in???
Can I visit your house and see the head once you get it stuffed and mounted?
See my blog. Rudolph has been taken care of. Santa will have to fork out for a new foglight.
[...] Despite hearing the sounds of familiar Christmas tunes, the holiday shopping season has not officially kicked off because I haven’t yet heard the worst, most dreaded Christmas song of all time, which is how I determine the true start of the holiday madness. Until I’ve heard it in public, Christmas does not exist. (Every year I try to escape it but the song still finds me. It hibernates all year long and waits in the darkness, ready to play the moment it smells my blood and senses my fear…) [...]