Afishionados,

I thought I’d share a little bit of what I’ve been up to in my Design Basics 2D class this past quarter. At the beginning of the quarter, each student randomly drew the name of a musician from a hat. We weren’t allowed to trade our musician for anyone else’s and we couldn’t redraw if we didn’t like who we picked. The musician we selected was to be the focus of all our projects (whether we liked it or not). I ended up choosing Mozart, which ended up being both good and bad.

I don’t dislike Mozart’s music, but I don’t listen to it either. Other students had the benefit of incorporating song lyrics, photos of their musician, and album covers into their projects. Mozart, of course, doesn’t have much to offer in this regard.

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One of our later assignments was to select an object that represents our musician and design five different styles using that image, including: negative space, outline, line drawing, weighted line drawing, and stylized. I went with a violin.

I found a high-res image of a violin on a stock photography web site that I belong to and used that as a reference. Here’s a scan of my stylized image. It’s completely stippled and, unfortunately, doesn’t show up well as a scanned JPG. I used a really fine point marker to make it and it looks much crisper in person, but you get the idea. Of the five required styles, this was my favorite. This and the other four violin images would serve as the basis for future projects as well.

For whatever reason, my professor is obsessed with photocopiers. A later assignment involved taking the original violin images and creating both plural and compound designs from them (Plural incorporating multiple copies of the same image and compound including two different violin images together).

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I mention the instructor’s love for the photocopier because she stated that we were not to use the computer whatsoever for any of our plural and compound assignments. Instead, we were supposed to use tissue paper to trace and crop or original violin images and then (of course) photocopy the tissue paper to resize it we needed. From there, you can photocopy your photocopies, cut them out, and arrange them in your plural and compound layouts, then photocopy THAT image to create a final piece. Have you ever tried to trace a stippled image? I don’t know about you, but I simply don’t have that kind of fucking time, not to mention the cost of copying. I bent the rules to my favor and ended up using Photoshop anyway. I scanned my original stippled image, then arranged it in Photoshop to create my final piece. We had to do five compound designs and five plural designs. This image is one of my plural assignments, as well as my favorite of all ten pieces. The “flower” formed by the violins was a happy accident, and I ended up using this on my final project for the class (which I may post at a later date). There is simply no way to get this kind of result by using a photocopier (you can’t overlay the dots!).

Before “bending the rules”, I tried pleading with my instructor to let me use Photoshop. She wouldn’t hear of it. When I asked the logic behind her retarded decision, she said “Not everyone knows how to use Photoshop and the computer, and I want the class to be on a level playing field.”

Oh really? I suppose that’s true, but why should I be punished just because I do know how to use Photoshop and a computer? I tried to explain my logic to her. “Yea, but there’s a regular Olympics and a Special Olympics, and I’m not retarded.” I don’t think I need to tell you that she didn’t appreciate my analogy.

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Here’s another one of my projects, this time an example from one of my compound images. I scanned my weighted line drawing and used Photoshop to arrange it with my stylized (stippled) drawing. I really like the contrast between the two images.

If I had to do this project over, I would redo the weighted line drawing to look less like a “horror” violin. If Time Burton had a violin, it would look like this. But, in what little time I had to draw it, I think it came out okay, and still ends up working in the end.

The final assignment that I had to do with my violin drawings was to create a repeating pattern. Again, Photoshop wasn’t permitted but you can see how long it would take to do this by photocopying image after image after image.

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Here’s my final tiled piece. It’s the same as my compound image, but around a quarter of the original size (Each assignment had to fit within a 6″ x 6″ square).

I saved hours of pointless photocopying by using my good friend Photoshop once again. Although it only took a few minutes to do this, I’m really happy with how it turned out. If Mozart had to wallpaper his bathroom, this is the pattern he’d use. Or if he had gifts to wrap, or needed a Hawaiian shirt… I suppose I could throw in a couple palm trees to really make it work.

The instructor and I are civil to one another, but I don’t think either of us likes the other very much. She’s the only professor that I know of who teachers 2D Design and prohibits the use of the computer, so I’m sure this will be the last time I sign up for a class with her. But I don’t think the class was a total waste, as I’m really happy with how a lot of my assignments have turned out, not to mention that I’ve gotten really good grades on all my projects. So hopefully I’m doing something right!

Afishionados,

It’s always been my intention to be as compatible with as many computer configurations as possible. Unfortunately, the other guys just don’t always play fair. I’ve been using the Anarchy Media Player to display all my videos in Flash format, because everyone has Flash these days. It’s the same video format as YouTube.

Microsoft, however, has fucked up something in Internet Explorer 7, which has rendered Anarchy Media Player incompatible. And, of course, the Flash files won’t play without it, even with the Adobe Flash plugin.

So, friends (and enemies), from now on, Old Fish and Lemonade is embracing Apple’s QuickTime video format for any and all future video posts. It’s a free download, so go get it. www.apple.com/quicktime/download. Seriously. It’s a thousand and one times better than Microsloth’s Windoze Media Player. Do you have an iPod? Then you have QuickTime installed already, cuz you need it to use iTunes. Congratulations.

Goddamn I hate Microsoft.

Afishionados,

I’m happy to announce two new additions to our beloved family. Two new Intel Macs have been purchased for our humble home. A new 24; 2.4 GHz iMac and a 15″ 2.4 GHz MacBook Pro. Woo hoo. This brings the total number of Macs in the house to four, and the number in the family to five. Sure, we’ve still got a couple retarded PCs in the house but every family has its losers, right?

The big incentive for the le grande purchase was video chatting. Have you ever tried to video chat on a PC with more than one person? No, of course you haven’t because it’s ridiculously difficult if not impossible. Skype is free, but the video quality is crappy. AIM is nice, but what do you do it the person you want to chat with is on Yahoo? Bleh.

I’ve had my first foursome this week (video chat, anyway). My nephew in Cleveland was able to talk to Grandpa, Grandma, his Aunt, and myself, all for free and through the power of iChat. I’ve done video chats before, but never with more than one person at a time. It’s amazing how well it actually worked and the video quality was pretty good.

I don’t know why, but with so many new Macs in the house I’ve been thinking about my first Mac computer. It was the Titanium PowerBook G4 and it was (and still is) one of the sexiest computers ever. The tech specs are laughable by today’s standards, but in 2001 they were, as Darth Vader would say, impressive. Most impressive.

My TiBook had a 500 MHz G4 processor, 256 megabytes of RAM, a 20 gigabyte hard drive, a DVD-ROM drive (no burning of any kind), a 15″ screen with 1152 x 768 resolution, and Mac OS 9.1. The starting price was $3499, but that was before I added the wireless networking card, which was an additional $99.

In comparision, my MacBook Pro has a 2.4 GHz processor, 4 gigabytes (4096 megabytes) of RAM, a 160 gigabyte hard drive, built-in wireless networking, a DVD/CD burner, a 15″ screen with 1440 x 900 resolution, and Mac OS X 10.4.10. The cost of my model MacBook Pro is $2499. So the features have gone up but the price has come down.

I uncovered, after much, MUCH digging within Google, the original Titanium PowerBook information video. It’s only 5 minutes long, and it’s funny to see how excited everyone is by something that, by today’s standards, is an obsolete antique. Still, I wish I’d kept mine around for nostalgic purposes, but I sold it many years ago for the 667 MHz version.

The video is cool, I promise. It even has the song “Rain Dance” by Karl Jenkins in it. You can’t lose!

The Dell Inspiron 8600 that the MacBook Pro replaced has been formatted with an all-but-legit permanently activated version of Windows Vista Ultimate and is on its way to my brother Drew, who’s hard as hell on all his electronic equipment, gadgets, and toys. I figure, if you’re going to beat the shit out of something, might as well be a Dell with Windows.

(To the Dell’s credit, I am impressed that the ~3 year old laptop runs Windows Vista Ultimate with all its glorious bells, whistles, and eye candy. But, it’s still Windows.)

I’m sold on Macs for life. If you’re a Windows user and you’re happy with your PC, that’s great. I’m not looking to start a platform war. But if you’re a Windows user and you’re unhappy, remember: You don’t have to love your computer. But you certainly shouldn’t have to hate it, either.

Think different.

Afishionados,

I took an exam today in hopes of testing out of an Introduction to the Macintosh Operating System class when I go back to college on September 5th. I’ve been using Macs since the original Titanium PowerBook came out circa 2001. And I’ve been using Mac OS X since version 10.1 came out.

So, I expected this class to be relatively easy. You have an hour to answer a written test, as well as perform a “hand on” portion. The class is designed to teach you how to use Mac OS X, so I assumed that the questions would relate to this simple objective. How difficult could it possibly be?

The test started out very simple:

1. How is the X in Mac OS X pronounced?

“Okay,” I thought, “no problem. This test is easy.”

Then weird shit started getting asked.

What are the three basic types of keys on the Macintosh keyboard?

What? I didn’t know there were three basic types of keys. Function and… what else? Letter key? Number key? Anarch Key? How does this relate to the OS? Whatever, next question.

What are two methods for writing applications for Mac OS X?

This question confused me and lead to a challenging discussion with the instructor giving the class. I asked him for clarification.

“Are you asking the types of programs used to write apps or the types of apps that are written by these programs?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“Which is it? The programs used or the results of the programs?”

“Yes.”

“What? You aren’t answering my question.” My frustration in MP3 format.

The answers ended up being “Carbon” and “Cocoa”, which I did know, but the question was poorly worded. I thought they were looking for Xcode and something else.

I know that 99% of you reading this have absolutely no idea what I am talking about. And that’s my point. The class is designed for total beginners, and total beginners do not need to be asked questions about Carbon and Cocoa application writing. BECAUSE IT DOESN’T MATTER.

I imagine the guy who wrote this test is the type of guy who can build you a computer out of your toaster, but can’t tie his own shoe. The same type of guy who can tell you all about the science of pheromones but has never actually kissed a girl. You know the type.

Also, this is an important message for any idiots who set up computer labs. If you’re going to have a 22″ CRT monitor plugged into the computer, don’t set the resolution for 1024 x 768. Save that shit for your 10″ screens. Oh, I’d also like to thank the same asshat who fucked up the resolution for setting the refresh rate to 60 Hz as well. How did you know that my eyes love the strobe effect of watching the screen refresh itself? Are you trying to give me a seizure?

Finally, Adobe Systems, makers of such infamous titles as Photoshop and Acrobat. I own two legal copies of Photoshop CS3 Extended for Mac. Which is nice, because I can call for tech support, right? You’d think so, but…no.

I was having problems with Photoshop remembering my settings and installing updates. I tried the usual (restart, reinstall, etc.) but to no avail. So I called Adobe for help.

“I can’t get Version Cue to update correctly and Photoshop won’t remember my workspace settings.”

“Huh. Well, no one uses Version Cue anyway”

“Then why do I need it installed to Save my files?”

“Well, yea, there is that.”

“Yes, I would like the ability to save my files.”

“Huh.”

Idiot. What’s the point of actually buying a legal copy if you can’t get help? It’s not as if you get support for downloaded versions from Bit Torrent. Gee, thanks Adobe.

And while we’re on the topic of buying Adobe software legally, why does their shit have to cost so damn much money? Perhaps it’s because there’s no longer any competition.

This package would set you back $1800 if you weren’t a student. Still, it’s $600. Do you know how many nuggets I could buy at Wendy’s for that? I could buy every chicken on the farm. It’s nice that students get 2/3 off the commercial price, but $600 is still outrageous.

/end rant.

Afishionados,

Good news for you Windows folks out there who read the Fish on a regular basis. Apple’s awesome Internet browser, Safari, is now available as a free download for Microsoft Windows!

Other than the fact that the Fish looks best in Safari, you’ll also get better bookmarking, RSS, and tabbed browsing that doesn’t suck. Oh, and the fastest HTML rendering available for your operating system. So don’t wait any longer, download Safari today!

Afishionados,

A Borders bookstore in my neck of the woods featured a CD that caught my attention this afternoon. The nice thing about Borders is that 1.) It’s never crowded because nobody shops at the mall that it’s in since a newer and larger mall is 10 minutes away and 2.) You can preview tracks of all the the CDs they sell on computer kiosks within the bookstore.

The album was “Twenty-three”¹ by Tristan Prettyman and, after listening to a couple songs, I ended up buying it. I imagine the CD was featured because she’s opening for Guster in Seattle tonight. In any event, I like her “folksy acoustic-ness”.

I didn’t pay much attention to the CD case at the store (who does, really?) and just bought it like I’ve done a million times before with a million other CDs.

While I’m the happy owner of an Apple MacBook, I use my iPod with my Windows PC because it has a bigger hard drive, all my songs are already on my PC, and I don’t want to spend the time moving all my music over to my Mac.

Anyhoo, I inserted Tristan’s CD into my PC in hopes of importing it as an AAC file into iTunes. Once the CD drawer closed, I waited. And waited. And waited some more, watching iTunes and looking for the CD icon to appear so I could start the importing process.

The CD never showed up in iTunes. Instead, I was greeted with a warm and fuzzy copyright notice agreement in glorious pop-up flash animation form.

The notice said something like “In order to play this music on your PC, you must agree to the following:

1.) You must give to us, Virgin Records, your first born child on Halloween night at precisely 12:01 A.M.
2.) You must provide two forms of I.D.
3.) You must submit a urine, stool, and semen sample. All at once.
4.) You must disclose the location of Iraq’s WMDs.

“WTF is this?” I thought to myself. “Is this software CD or a music CD? I just want to listen to it in iTunes, dammit!!!”

Of course I had to agree to the licensing agreement, else the CD wouldn’t even show up under “My Computer”. Even after agreeing, the CD would not show up in iTunes. Instead, the album plays in its own Flash-based CD player. Once again, “WTF” ran through my mind.

I tried to manually locate the song files on the CD but Tristan Prettyman is a sneaky little devil, as she hid them from me. Curses!

I had never seen such crazy shit with a music CD before. Upon closer examination of Tristan’s CD case, I saw that it emphasized the fact that the album was, indeed, copyprotected. On the back of the CD, in the finest print perceptable to the human eye, was this:

Tristan must like rules and regulations because her CD case goes on to list even more stipulations: (Ironic, since she’s an independent and emerging artist and I would have figured she’d want people to be able to hear her sing.)

What the hell, Tristan? You’re all but unheard of, yet your CD is harder to get into than the Pentagon. And it’s not even compatible with the iPod! I would expect this sort of thing from Metallica or Rod Stewart, but not you. This really hurts my (one and only) feeling.

Hmmm… According to the graphics of anality, I am permitted to arrow the contents of the disc over to my Mac, so long as I am running Mac OS 8.6 or higher. Seeing as how Mac OS 8.6 came out in 1999, I’m pretty sure I meet and exceed that requirement. For you, Tristan, I’ll give it a whirl.

I slipped the CD into my MacBook and within moments it showed up in iTunes, downloaded the track names, and was imported as AAC. Awesome.

In reality, I imagine Tristan has very little (if anything) to do with the copyright protection that plagues her otherwise good album (she just has assholes for bosses and that’s not necessarily her fault, is it?). For the Windows inclined, Tristan has a forum on her official web site with a link to a thread about circumventing the copyprotection of her own CD using third-party software right on her front page.

Therefore, I hold the greedy corporate suits at Virgin Records responsible for this pointless annoyance. You and the rest of the record industry can suck it. No one is going to buy your music if they can’t even use it easily. Let this be a lesson to you, bitches. Oh, and thank you for being clueless about Macs. Without your ignorance, I might never have been able to listen to the CD that I paid for.

And a special thanks to Tristan Prettyman. I think your stuff is pretty good.

¹Sorry, Anaglyph.

Dreamhost tech support, seen here, asleep on the job after masturbating profusely to naked photos of Richard Simmons.

Afishionados,

As you’ve undoubtedly noticed, the Fish has been having a lot of technical problems lately. For over a month, OFAL has been loading slow for many people and has been inaccessible since approximately 2:00 P.M. PST on Friday.

The Fish has been hosted by Dreamhost.com since its original trek from Blogger. Unfortunately, as it turns out, Dreamhost is run by a group of blind Amish folks and is as reliable as a politician’s promise.

Dreamhost’s servers are incredibly slow and are down far too often. Their technical support (or, more correctly, lack thereof) is limited solely to email. And by email, I mean the Pony Express.

After countless, unanswered emails to Dreamhost about their poor service and product quality, I have moved Old Fish and Lemonade over to a new web hosting company. Hopefully it will prove to be much more reliable.

I still have some tweaking to do and bugs to work out, but the Fish is once again operational. All the old database files were successfully moved over to the new server (though some of the entries are missing their associated photos, a problem I am aware of and will fix in the future).

Let the blogging commence!

Computers are getting faster and more powerful every day. Because of this, it’s getting easier for game designers to create more realistic looking human characters in their games. Since the characters in today’s games are becoming increasingly complex, they’re looking less like models and more like…models.

But the world wasn’t always full of these cyber-hotties. Back in the old days, people used to lust for puppets. Of course, it didn’t take long for folks to realize that sex with puppets would only leave you in a knotted entangled mess, so they switched to cartoon characters instead.

Enter the 21st century and Alyx Vance. Alyx is a twenties-something heroine in the famous Half Life game series. And she’s hot, too! Just look at her! She’s got it all: a great body, great hair, beautiful face, and a gun! She’s a great reason to turn up the ol’ anti-aliasing on the monitor (help round out those curves). Best of all, since she’s just a digital character she’ll never grow old and fat!

It just so happens that Alyx Vance also has a very lovely, highly textured ass. Here, see for yourself.

I don’t want to single anybody out, but I used to think that people who lusted over fictional characters were a little weird. But it’s hard to argue when Alyx adorns a 21″ screen. If only the holodeck were invented by now. Picard and his crew were able to touch their holo-buddies, right?