Afishionados,

Well, just another exciting day for me today. You know, the usual stuff: wake up early, drive to school, attend class, drive to Indiana, hang out with Missy Higgins again… Yep, just the usual for me.

I don’t think I look half as retarded in this photo as I do in my first photo with Missy. Of course, I didn’t have to drive five hours this time to see her, either, so I wasn’t nearly as tired as before. Still, I think I rarely take a good (or even decent) photo, but I think this one came out pretty well. Plus, Missy is the attractive one in the picture, and everyone’s eyes will be focused on her and not me, anyway. Besides, her expression in this photo is positively adorable.

Missy’s traveling with two other bands right now and her spring tour debuted in Indianapolis, Indiana tonight. Thankfully, Missy got to play first in the queue. Unfortunately, the other two bands had to play as well, so her show was much shorter than the last five times I’ve seen her. I expected this going in, but her performance, as always, was top notch.

Immediately upon finishing her act, Missy headed straight to her huge, black tour bus. A small group of us had to pry her (nicely, of course) from the bus and beg her to sign autographs and take photos. I think there were only 6 or 7 of us altogether. Obviously I don’t know Missy personally (despite my best efforts and six concerts later ;-)) but she still comes across as very sweet, innocent, caring, well-rounded, and extremely down-to-earth person. She is also one of the most shy people that I have ever met. Missy wasn’t upset or mad or anything about the guy knocking on the bus’ glass and asking her to come out (and no, it wasn’t me that did that).

Unlike the concert in October, I worked up enough courage to actually say more than two words to her. I told Missy that she was my favorite musician ever and that I loved her music. I also thanked her for touring the USA and confessed that I’ve driven to see her in concert each and every time that she visits. Missy simply smiled, waved to me, and said, “Well, see you the next time, then!” And with that, she climbed back aboard her bus and was gone.

Afishionados,

A shameless plug for my brother tonight because I think he deserves it. My brother, Narrow Dweeb, was in the market for a didgeridoo but discovered that affordable ones are $70+ in the catalogues. The cheaper ones are made from PVC piping and not wood.

So, what is a desperate ex-Marine-gone-Army-Reservist to do? Buy some PVC pipe and a heat gun is what! Yes, Narrow Dweeb has been making his own didgeridoos and playing them on his college campus because he’s crazy. He also has a talent knack for leaving me didgeridoo voicemail messages. At least, I think it’s him because I don’t know any Aboriginal Australians.

Here, for your viewing pleasure, are just a few of his didgeridoo creations. They sound just as good as the real (wooden) ones but look a lot cooler. Especially the flying tiger version, which is my favorite so far.

If this one has a model number, it would be “P-40″.

This one is also quite good and looks a lot like wood after some sanding, staining, and branding. I think it came out nicely.

Here’s a close up look at the “wooden” didgeridoo. It looks great!

I think it people are willing to pay $70 for a didgeridoo that my brother should sell them. I know at least one person who would like to see a Darth Vader or Halo 3 didgeridoo… But I… I mean “he” shall remain nameless.
:-X.

Afishionados,

What this world needs (and by world I mean Australia and the United States) is a plan that allows citizens of one country (and by citizens I mean me and only me) to exchange citizenship with citizens of another. A one-for-one kinda deal.

There’s gotta be someone dumb crazy enough to want to leave Australia and move here, right? Plus, I can really help out some of Australia’s citizens.

Look at this woman, for example. She’s posted to the Singles ads because there aren’t enough nice guys in Australia for her to date. Since the US and A seems all about being the world police, I feel it’s my duty to help out this damsel in distress.

She needs a boyfriend and who am I to say no? I am now accepting donations to help the fundraising necessary to complete my plan. I accept all major credit cards, PayPal, Checks, Money Order, and anything I can sell for cash, including but not limited to: your first born child, addictive drugs and medication, and novelty Star Wars toys from the 70s.

Maybe I should get Angela Lansbury to do my commercials, too. You know, have her look all mopey and depressed, walk around crowds of Australian women, and have her say lines like, “For just 10 cents a day, you can make these hot Australian women’s dreams come true.” I think it could work.

Remember, it’s not about helping me, it’s about helping others. So please help by donating today!

Afishionados,

Chicago was short but awesome! I got into town around 1 P.M. Chicago time, had lunch, took a nap, then hitched a free ride downtown in plenty of time to see Missy Higgins perform at Martyrs’. Last year, I found out by simple luck that Missy Higgins was performing in Seattle. That concert was excellent and I had a great time. I spent the entire evening standing about 5 feet away from Missy as she sang for about an hour and a half.

The concert in Chicago blew that one way out of the water. The concert was sold out even before the show started. The venue was still a hole in the wall, but the Chicago crowd was a lot more lively than Seattle’s. I think Missy liked the Chicago crowd, too, because she spent a lot of time giving background info on her songs and joking with her fans. She even extended her stay and played a handful of extra songs because people were enjoying the concert so much. The show felt much more intimate than last year’s. Missy doesn’t have a single song that I don’t like, but she does have some that I enjoy more than others. And as far as my favorites, Missy played ‘em all :-).

I borrowed my mom’s camera for the trip, but I didn’t take it to Martyrs’, which worked out just fine because it was far too dark inside to take any good photos and flash photography was prohibited. Thanks to MySpace, I got a bulletin from Missy that said she’d also be playing a free gig at the Borders bookstore in the heart of downtown Chicago. Since I didn’t know this when I planned my trip, I hadn’t planned on going. But since I drove myself, I quickly readjusted my schedule.

Martyrs’ probably had two or three hundred people there. It was packed pretty full and it was hot as hell. Borders, on the other hand, was a completely different animal. Only 30 or 40 people showed up for it. And guess who had the frontmost seat directly in front of Missy :-D?

The Borders gig started at 12:30 P.M. I showed up at 11:00 to grab a good seat and some coffee. My chair was literally two feet away from Missy’s piano. I was even closer this time than I had been in Seattle. This may not sound so amazing to people not familiar with Missy Higgins, but consider her audiences in Australia: Typically 4,000-12,000 people at $65+ a pop. Here’s a photo of the Live Earth concert that was held in Australia. Missy performed here, so you get the idea.

I killed the time by chatting with the guy who set up her equipment. Unfortunately, I never got his name, but he was very friendly and I know he was from Perth. We prattled on about Australia and Australian musicians, and he reinforced the idea how insanely lucky I was to be so close to Missy at a free “concert”. Since I don’t live in Australia, I don’t think I can fully comprehend how popular she is over there, but I like to think that I can, at the very least, appreciate it.

Me, looking very tired from getting up at 7 A.M., driving to Chicago for an 8:00 P.M. concert, not going to sleep until 2:00 A.M., and getting up at 8:00 A.M. to see Missy at Borders. Holy crap.

Around 11:40, Missy came out to finish setting up her keyboard and guitar. By this time, there were probably 10 people (most of whom were at the concert the night before) waiting for the event to start and Missy was kind enough take some photos with us. So, it seems that crossing my fingers paid off after all.

The Borders event was, of course, a much shorter show than the Martyrs’ concert. But it really felt like a private party and Missy was there just to entertain us, and only us. She didn’t even have a playlist, she just took requests for songs off her new album from her fans (I managed to sneak in a request and Missy played it. Woo!)

After about 30 minutes, the show switched to an autograph signing. Convenient that I brought my CDs with me. I jumped in line fast enough to be third.

I was nervous when I talked to Missy, but she’s a very cool and down-to-earth person and seems like a really easy person to get along with. I can only imagine how much money she’s made since she started singing, and I’m glad that she hasn’t gone the way of the “American music star” and let all her fame and fortune go to her head.

As she signed my CD covers, I told her she was my favorite singer and more than worth the 5+ hour drive to see her. And then she looked at me like I was crazy and asked, “You drove 5 hours to see me? Where are you from?” I thanked her for her awesome performance at Martyrs’ and told her I’d drive back to Chicago in a heartbeat if she ever came back to sing, which resulted in a very Australian, “No worries”¹ and a “Thanks so much!”.

I’m sorry if this seems like too much rambling, but it’s been a very fast 48 hours and I’m completely burned out from driving for 10 of those 48 hours. I’ve probably bored most of you, but I think I really wrote this post for me. I’ve seen Missy Higgins live three times now, and each time keeps getting better and better. I’ll never forget my (too short of a) trip to Chicago, and I’ll never forget the concerts or the opportunity I’ve had in just getting to sit down and talk to Missy Higgins. It’s been one of the greatest experiences of my life, and means the world to me.

I took 51 photos at Borders, but I kept the flash off as to not annoy or distract Missy while she sang. Here are just a few that I thought turned out especially well. I also want to say that the guitarist in the green shirt (Ben Edgar, also quite good) is also very cool. He, too, thought I was crazy for driving 5 hours to see Missy.

¹ This phrase translates to “No problem” for any Yanks not familiar

Afishionados,

I haven’t had a “real” vacation for a long time, and so I’ve decided to take a few days and head to Chicago. It’s going to be a fast trip, but it’s going to be better than the last time I was there because there will be no Navy boot camp involved this time. And this time there are Australians involved!

My favorite musician in the world is Missy Higgins. She’s from Australia and something about her songs and her voice just gets to me. She’s not well known in the USA and I prefer it stay that way, because her tickets are so much cheaper as an “indie”. I saw her last year in Seattle and she was great. Thanks to a MySpace bulletin, I saw that she was coming to Chicago. After I bought a ticket and booked a hotel, I saw that Missy’s actually playing two venues. Awesome! Hopefully I’ll get to see her twice, because she doesn’t come to the USA as often as she tours Australia. That’s that plan, anyway. I’ll even keep my fingers crossed for an autograph or (gasp) a photo.

I won’t have a computer with me, but I will have access to email, so anyone in the Chicago area who wants to buy me lunch, I’ll be waiting to hear from you.

In a completely unrelated note, I got new glasses. They’re completely round, and I like ‘em. Harry Potter, John Lennon, and Steve Jobs: Eat your heart out.

Afishionados,

The Oscars are this Sunday and my wardrobe has finally arrived in the mail. I can’t wait to meet Keira Knightley on the red carpet wearing this baby. Oooooo she’ll be so impressed.

Many, many, MANY thanks to the peculiar and perplexing Peter Miller. Please go buy his music and artwork so that he can afford to send me more stuff in the future.

READ THESE IN THIS ORDER TO FULLY APPRECIATE THE T-SHIRT JOKE:

1. If You Only See One Film This Summer…

2. Cattle Call

3. If You Only Buy One CD This Summer…

4. Pick a Bale o’ Cotton

5. The Answers [to Pick a Bale o' Cotton]

Wondering what the hell this is all about? It helps to understand that OFAL is really only a third of a much bigger blog. To fully (mis)understand the Fish, one must also regularly read Tetherd Cow Ahead and The Joey Polanski Show. It’s an unholy alliance to be sure but the rooms in the nut house are crowded, and so we have to share.

Courtesy of the Concert Ticket Generator

I’m still reading Bill Bryson’s In a Sunburned Country. I’m taking my time through it because I want to savor it as much as possible. It’s hilarious and if you haven’t yet read it you are missing out.

I’ve just finished a page where Bryson has a conversation with an Australian local about the giant bull in Wauchope. It reminded me of something from my childhood (Am I old enough to use this phrase yet?), but first let’s talk about this bull.

These large scale tourist attractions (a.k.a. “big things“, not to be confused with “precious things“) are, apparently, quite popular in Australia. This fiberglass moo-sterpiece is located in Wauchope, a town in NSW that’s largely into dairy farming and timber.What makes this baby special is it’s testicles sway in the wind! How cool is that? Say what you will, but a 46 foot tall fiberclass bull with a swaying sack is a must see in my book.

I firmly believe there is a higher being that oversees everything that goes on in our lives. God (if you will), like Santa, is always watching. I have to believe it because someone needs to take responsibility for the ironic waywardness that is my life.

I will never in a million years claim South Carolina as home. To say I dislike the state is an understatement. Between the lethal driving behavior of its citizens, the shit pump behind Burger King, and the paper mill, I can barely keep what little sanity I have left.

I miss Ohio, because there was always something new to see and do. It’s got everything I need: A Best Buy, a 24 hour Wal-Mart, 2 baseball teams, good shopping, camping and hiking… The list goes on. Tonight I especially miss Ohio because Missy Higgins is playing in Cincinnati and Cleveland over the next two days. And her tickets are cheap because no one here in the USA has the slightest inclination of who the hell she is. I’m so happy that the Navy has stationed me here in Goose Creek!

In other news, I’m in the middle of Bill Bryson’s book, In a Sunburned Country. It’s got its humorous points and interesting tidbits here and there. I’m enjoying it. The chapter on Australian politics and the governmental system is particularly interesting because I have been looking for a simple explanation on the subject (which there isn’t and Bryson agrees).

Any Aussie readers out there have any comments on Bill Bryson or recommendations on other Australian books?

I’ve realized, in wanting to move to Australia at some point, that I will have to buy all my shit all over again because of all the different electrical and formatting issues involved with living in different countries.

My beloved flat 32 inch (81.28 cm for those metric folks out there) widescreen LCD television and Sony high-definition DVD player won’t do me much good Down Under. And of course, all my DVD’s will need to go because of the NTSC video system. Everything everyplace else uses PAL. Why the hell can’t the world decide on one format and agree to use it everywhere?

I’m all for the metric system. I loathe math to begin with (which is why I chose the get into nuclear field. I mean, how much math could there possibly be in nuclear physics and engineering, anyway?*). Even I can divide and multiply by factors of 10. Feet to inches? Pounds to ounces? To hell with it.

At least MP3’s and AAC files are universal, so my iPod will make it with me. I know Apple will rape me for a universal power connector for it, but at least I know that I can use it in other countries. But, no, wait… It’s got video output features now. ::Whew:: A quick check on Apple’s site confirms both NTSC and PAL outputs. Hooray.

And my cellphone uses GSM networks, which tends to dominate most of the world’s mobile phone systems, so I can take that, too. I just can’t charge it since it came with the U.S. wall charger. Stupid RAZR phone…

And that’s about it. Everything else uses our electrical outlet connections. So, let me double-check my suitcase. Clothes, toothbrush, iPod, and phone. I suppose that’s all I’ll really need, anyway.

I suppose this is as good a place as any to warn the people of the world. When I become Earth Czar, I will breed an army of mutant minions to thwart the evil tyrants who create and force all the various locations of the world to use different standards and formats. We will unite under the banners of AAC, MP3, PAL, GSM, DVD-R, 1080p, and the metric system. Gone will be Real Player, the English System, and CDMA.

And I will make math illegal. Oh, yes, my poppets, it will be done…

*sarcasm