Well, folks, as I had hoped correctly assumed, Oprahnomics has yielded more blogging material. I even took notes so I would remember to cover everything that Harpo has been spewing out from her loud, obnoxious mouth.

I’ve only had the class for two days and already I want to take a bat to her head (Note to school staff and authorities: this is meant as sarcasm) Or maybe to my own head, to put me out of my own misery. It’s amazing the things you can get a degree in these days, not to mention the fact that you can then go on to teach it, too.

The first thing that Harpo “taught” us this week was how to use a phone. Amazing. I don’t mean this as a metaphor for something more. She literally explained how to use the telephone. My head still aches from smacking it on my desk. And the class only gets better from there.

Harpo attempted to get the class involved in a discussion about various ways that people communicate. Of course the easiest and most common ways, such as talking and writing, were shouted out immediately. But then, it seemed, my classmates were at a standstill. Harpo, however, still sought answers. She offered up a clue.

“How am I communicating with you right now?”

I normally don’t get involved in discussions for dumb classes at school, but it seems to be the mentality of the average student to simply sit like a bump on a log and to never answer a question or offer an opinion. This makes already dull classes that much more boring, so once in a while I have to step up to the plate and offer my own take on things.

I placed the pointer and middle finger of both my hands on the sides of my head and offered Harpo an answer to her question. “By means of your psychic omnipotence?”

Turns out I was wrong.

I have no idea if the right answer was ever given out. I stopped listening to Harpo ramble and instead starting thinking about my graphic projects in my other classes. That is, until Harpo started showing us slides from her missionary work in Africa.

“Can you tell which one is me?” she asked us, giggling.

“Yea,” I thought. “You’re the only white, fat Christian among the whole group of black, tribal women.” But I didn’t say it. Instead, I went back to working on my other projects, at least in my head.

The last thing I head Harpo say before class was dismissed was that she used to ride her bike in the summer time and pack it away for the winter. Then, once summer came round again, she forgot how to ride her bike and had to learn all over again.

What kind of idiot forgets how to ride a bike? Whether or not she knows how to ride a bike today isn’t clear. But there’s no arguing the fact that when she used to, she obviously forgot her helmet.

I don’t know how much more of this class I can take.

This entry was posted on Sunday, January 13th, 2008 at 6:29 pm and is filed under Bullshit, Help!, Humor, Observations, Stupid, rants. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.