A Fairy Tale
Afishionados,
Once upon a time there lived an evil bitch. She was short and had red hair and she was very annoying.
The evil bitch was married to an Awesome King, but filed to leave him when the King was out of the castle visiting a family member that had just come back from the Crusades.
The evil bitch lacked any self confidence, so she made friends with idiots more easily than most. The idiots and the evil bitch liked to hang out and talk about how pointless their existence really was.
As a means to deal with her incompetence, the evil bitch turned to alcohol. This caused her to throw up in the King’s castle and pass out on the floor.
The evil bitch’s mother was even worse. Her mother was a rare species known throughout the land as an Ubercunt: A vicious creature that is known to suffer from hypochondria, laziness, drug addiction, and the Lifetime television network.
The evil bitch was completely incapable of ever saying “NO” to the Ubercunt. Anything the Ubercunt asked of the evil bitch, the evil bitch did. No matter what. After deciding to leave the Awesome King, the evil bitch teamed up with the Ubercunt to try and displease the Awesome King. Much like their own lives, their attempts were futile and pointless.
One day, the Awesome King received a packet of bullshit paperwork from the Ubercunt and the evil bitch. It had been sent via another feared beast, known as a Loiyar. As it turned out, the Ubercunt and the evil bitch had been reading His Majesty’s Royal Blog! Unfortunately for the Ubercunt and the evil bitch, His Almighty Highness the Awesome King had expected this all along, and so he had been careful as to what he should post about.
The packet of bullshit paperwork contained reproductions of the Awesome King’s posts about his new cell phone and his new Adobe software for school, along with complaints as to the funding of such niceties. The Awesome King never admitted to paying for these niceties himself, and so the cries of the Ubercunt and evil bitch were silenced. If only they could be silenced forever.
As long as the Ubercunt and the evil bitch are reading the Awesome King’s blog, they may as well also know that the Awesome King has recently acquired the brand spankin’ new Apple operating system, Mac OS X 10.5 Leopard a full two days earlier than the general public. And there is absolutely no way in hell that the Awesome King will ever send the Ubercunt and the evil bitch a copy for their *outdated* iMac.
And the Awesome King continued to live on, happier than ever without the evil bitch around.
October 25th, 2007 at 5:59 pm
how could anyone ever want to leave you? if i had a chance to be with you, i would fuck you night and day, and if my stupid whore of a mother ever tried to come in between us, i would hit her in the face with a shovel (that would also help cure her lifetime network addiction).
i hope you prevail!
XOXOXOXO
Your biggest fan
October 25th, 2007 at 6:03 pm
does your ex wife know you knocked me up? you’ll have a lot less money to give her once the baby is born. can we throw the babies dirty diapers in her mailbox? i think it’s a great idea.
lets have more threesomes with missy!
October 25th, 2007 at 7:11 pm
Wow, this is personal, I like it
October 25th, 2007 at 8:38 pm
This Loiyar you speak of…. sounds sexy!
October 25th, 2007 at 8:49 pm
Oh, I get it. Ubercunt plus beer and monkey equals evil bitch. The mystery is solved!
October 25th, 2007 at 9:43 pm
It looks as if the Evil Bitch could use some serious dental work….oh and an attitude adjustment wouldn’t hurt either.
Long live the King!
October 26th, 2007 at 1:33 am
Yeeks. Well, now that awful episode is over I guess you can get on with filling your court with good things. Fire eaters and belly dancers and stuff. Good luck JMF *hugs*
October 26th, 2007 at 2:47 am
As if a MacHead has any use fer a Evil Bitch anyhow.
MacHeads simply fuck their machines, dont they?
October 26th, 2007 at 6:38 am
Wait … they can read???
October 26th, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Well this is just fucking brilliant.
October 26th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
In Love: I still will not have sex with you, AngryMan.
Avenger: This really is written like a real C.Rag post.
Malach: It’s been known to happen, from time to time.
The Pod: I only know one sexy lawyer!
Butt Naked: Michigan Sucks.
PrePo: Thank you, thank you. I think OFAL will always be a monarchy.
Mau: I miss the normal schedule of your blog posts
Come back to civilization, please!
Joey: You can’t capitalize “evil bitch”. She’s not worth it. And don’t worry, I’ve always got room for a stripping Pole.
Sara: HAHAHAHAHA!!! Shit, now I need a picture book version of this post! HAHAHAHA.
Mike: Thanks. It’s a completely MADE UP STORY, though. Any connection to real persons or real life is purely coincidental.
October 31st, 2007 at 10:24 am
Damn, You stole my content. I think I wrote that exact same story about ten years ago.
That is how I know it Can’t be true
October 31st, 2007 at 7:50 pm
i didn’t know the offspring of monkeys and ubercunts were able to operate computers!