Afishionados,

You can be an alcoholic but pretend that you’re not. You can talk about standing up to those who oppress you, but until you actually do it, you’ll never be free. And you can pretend that nothing is wrong, but it doesn’t make it true.

I’ve been out of the Navy since April 27th. It was an early discharge, but it was an honorable discharge. I didn’t do anything wrong and I won’t miss the Lincoln.

I’m trying to piece my life back together; trying to regain my footing. I have a plan in place to finish college, because that is what I really want to do. A plan to get as far away from nuclear power as possible and do something more creative.

But life is full of intricate twists and turns. When those close to you can no longer be depended upon, where does that leave you?

I’m leaving this weekend to go back to Ohio for the first time in years, where I hope to see everybody in my extended family. My brother is, at long last, getting out of the Marines and he’s already home. My youngest brother has promised me one of his infamous bonfires. It will be the first time that the three of us have been together in quite some time.

If Washington does not have the answers I need, then perhaps Ohio does. Catch you on the flipside.

Afishionados,

Birds are Enemy El Numero Uno here at Old Fish and Lemonade, no doubt about it. It seems, however, that there is a challenger to the title.

Remember my post about Herbie and the raccoon? Well, it seems I may have been wrong to award Herbie “1″ and the raccoon “0″. I’d go back and change it, but that would imply that I’m wrong and I just can’t have that. There are no mistakes or falsities here on the Fish, only lesser truths.

It’s taken more than a year, but Herbie has just recently started making a strange noise in the front passenger wheel well. It seems that the tire is now rubbing against something. Something that will cost $80 to fix.

“It looks like you hit a curb or something” said the VW mechanic. I can assure you that Herbie, though quite robust and well known for speeding and cutting people off, has never, ever been over a curb. The only possible culprit? The goddam Raccoon of Doom from North Carolina. Bastard!

Afishionados,

If Satan drove a truck, it would definitely be an ice cream truck. Summer, it seems, has arrived in Seattle because I hear this damn thing multiple times a day every day all the time and OH MY GOD MAKE IT STOP!

[audio:http://www.oldfishandlemonade.com/sounds/icecreamtruck.mp3]

Afishionados,

I’m pleased to unleash OFAL version 4.0, now powered by WordPress 2.2. New features include:

Red Herring: A place for interesting links that just don’t require a full, front page post. The cool thing is you can even comment on them like “real” posts! Red Herring will be updated periodically, so check back often. (Special thanks to Headless Hollow for the inspiration.)

Dynamic Comment Preview: Want to know what your comment will look like before you post it? Consider it done. Simply type a comment like you normally would and watch the live preview unfold before your very eyes! Go ahead, try it out for yourself!

Mobile Device Compatibility: I’m a huge nerd and I like to take technology with me wherever I go. I read and comment on blogs through my cell phone all the time, so I am pleased to announce that Old Fish and Lemonade is now mobile friendly!

I have tested the new features with Internet Explorer 7 for Windows, Safari for Mac, and Firefox 2 for both platforms and had no issues. If you are having troubles or have comments to share, please email me. Thanks!

Afishionados,

Scotty from Star Trek had his ashes onboard a rocket on the way to outer space. Apparently, his last wish was to boldy go where no ashes have gone before. Unfortunately for him, the rocket crashed and landed somewhere in New Mexico. Instead of searching for aliens in space, maybe he’s taking the easy way out by taking a peek through Roswell? He just can’t doooooooo it, Captain! He doesn’t have the powerrrrrrrrr!

Here’s to you, Scotty. I would say “Live long and prosper” but… well… you’re already dead. So, instead: May the Force Be With You.

This news courtesy of Engadget.

Afishionados,

A friend of mine has this hanging on the wall in his kitchen. I think it’s supposed to be garlic, but I think it looks more like something else. I never noticed real garlic to look so… um… sexual, but… uh… Well, all I’m saying is that there’s something fishy about the way these look.

Afishionados,

Apparently a decent percentage of our population believes that the human body can become possessed by a demon. What does this say about society? That people are inherently foolish?

I wonder what the world would be like if we didn’t have religion. (I, for one, would miss Ned Flanders and the Church Lady.) We couldn’t blame demons for taking control of us. Hmmmm… Who else could be condemn and hold accountable then? Republicans? Nah, pretty much the same thing as a demon.

If, by chance, you find yourself possessed by a demon, do me a favor. First, don’t waste your time by paying for an exorcist. Go join a fitness club and work out. This way, you’ll get more oxygen to your brain, which should greatly increase the probability that you’ll come to realize that you are not, in fact, possessed, but are instead just an idiot.

If you simpy must believe in exorcism and still feel that you are possessed, remember: You can always save a couple extra bucks by going to Home Depot, buying a two-by-four, and beating the demon out of your own head.

The fact that people buy into exorcism scares me more than the demons.

Afishionados,

My baby is growing up so fast *sniff*. Finally, after weeks of training and shitting on the carpet, Tess has finally figured out how to crap on her puppy pads. I am swelling with pride. She still has accidents, but I think today she made some real progress.

I haven’t had a puppy since I was a kid and I’ve forgotten how much fun they could be. Tess is absolutely crazy about ice cubes. I’ve found that it’s a great way to wear her out before bedtime, because she runs around apartment like she’s on crack. Cheap, fun, entertainment.