Barbaro Dies, People Cry, Elmer Rejoices
Afishionados,
It’s been all over the news that Barbaro the horse has died today. My local news channel reported that a fund has been set up in the horse’s honor and has already raised over a million dollars. Apparently, proceeds will go to help other horses or animals with their animal problems.
Fans and past sexual partners of Barbaro also sent emails to the horse (before it died, of course) wishing it “good luck” and better health. Unfortunately (and obviously) in the end, these emails did little good for two reasons:
1.) Horses can’t read email.
2.) The damn thing died anyway.
Is this really newsworthy? Why did I have to hear about Barbaro for 10 minutes?
It’s just a goddam horse.
January 29th, 2007 at 8:35 pm
Mike, this might be one of the funniest topic you have ever done. Bravo on the picture too.
January 29th, 2007 at 9:55 pm
Lets see on one hand we have the thoroughbred: fast, beautiful, magnificent. On the other hand we have Mike: Stupid, ugly, worthless. I’ll take the thoroughbred
January 29th, 2007 at 10:37 pm
Mutaman: Stupid? Compared to a horse? But I can read my email. Ugly? I’m practically a stallion myself. Worthless? Well, now you’re just being mean. In any event, thank you for posting. Please accept this gift as a token of my appreciation. Trust me, it’s a consolation prize you can’t refuse.
January 30th, 2007 at 7:23 am
Obviously Mutaman did not scroll down and see your self portrait….
I like horses, but I’d agree with you Mike…
Glue anyone?
January 30th, 2007 at 8:12 am
http://www.elmers.com/faq/index.asp
Do you use animals when making glue?
No, Elmer’s does not use animals or animal parts to make glue. Our products are made from synthetic materials and are not derived from processing horses, cows or any other animals.
January 30th, 2007 at 9:30 am
This is the best post EVER.
January 30th, 2007 at 8:44 pm
Do you believe these horse lovers will get some use from the money raised? They are in need of some therapy I believe. On the other hand it’s probably these people who has sent Elmer all his mail.
January 30th, 2007 at 8:47 pm
Sorry not mail to Elmer but to the damn thing with hair on it. But probably some complain mail to Elmer also.
January 31st, 2007 at 1:15 pm
If we livd in th Ol West, theyda shot that horse on Preakness Day las year.
Nowadays, we let th poor bastrd suffr fer about nine munts bfore offin im.
Thats progress.
January 31st, 2007 at 2:06 pm
I can read email monkey boy, and I can write it too. From beyond the grave even.
You better watch your ass next time you go on a pony ride.
January 31st, 2007 at 3:18 pm
Are they going to stuff & mount him like Phar Lap, the great Australian racehorse
poisoned by Americanswhich died in mysterious circumstances at the height of his career?January 31st, 2007 at 8:16 pm
You’d think the Queen died or something. It was a horse that happened to run fast. And people are making it out to be more than that. Too bad those same people wouldn’t donate that money to help humans.
February 2nd, 2007 at 2:48 pm
Ummm, I heard that Alpo beat out Elmer’s at the meat auction. I too want my dog to be a champion, inside and out!
February 4th, 2007 at 8:01 pm
holy hell, we agree on something!! namely, that barbaro does not a news segment make.
February 10th, 2007 at 1:37 pm
That horse got more handjobs in his short life than you prolly gave yourself in your entire life…
And THAT, is sayin’ somethin’ about that horse…
February 15th, 2007 at 8:42 pm
[...] does Cesar test and determine that their horse meat dog food really tastes like the flavors they sell? I wonder which flavor Barbaro tastes the most [...]
March 6th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
[...] Original post by jedimacfan [...]
March 19th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
JUST FUCK YOU YOU BASTARD! HORSES ARE LOVING ANIMALS THAT HAVE SERVED PEOPLE FOR CENTURIES AND NOW WE TREAT THEM LIKE THIS? SCREW YOU!
March 19th, 2007 at 1:44 pm
Meanie! I agree fully with No one knows! So guess what, when you finally go to heaven (if you make it there) guess who’ll be there kicking your jerk little behind? That’s right, good old Barbaro. So watch what you say my friend…watch what you say…
March 19th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
O YA GO SOMEONE WHO HAS A HEART!!!! THESE PEOPLE ARE SUCH ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
March 19th, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Yes…that’s right….I have a following…and we have hearts….AND COMMON SENSE DUH - ELMERS DOESN’T EVEN USE HORSE MEAT IN THEIR GLUE, KNOW YOUR FACTS MR. FISH DUDE!
March 24th, 2007 at 2:29 pm
Bware PETA is monitoring u
March 24th, 2007 at 6:37 pm
[...] But thank you to everyone who continues to visit, including all the new folks upset about my Barbaro post. The fact that you have proven my power to truly upset complete strangers on the Internet cheers me [...]
March 24th, 2007 at 7:04 pm
Pig farmer,but pretty funny any how i know its just a ploy to piss people off ………….
May 26th, 2007 at 10:50 pm
A bit off color maybe, but I don’t see why people are getting so angry. I made that same joke myself and I’m a super animal lover, the joke is just too easy not to make… At least you don’t live in kentucky, like i do, where I had to hear about it all day on the news.
…I wish angry people on the internet would at least try to use proper grammer or not all caps… don’t you?
June 4th, 2007 at 1:09 pm
Hey assholes! Barbaro wasn’t just a horse you fuckin fuckers! Go fuck yourself! If you hate horses then just don’t bother with them! And Barbaro was not made into glue you fuckin assholes! So that’s what I have to say! I loved Barbaro very much! And if any of you have a problem with that contact me at dagjjkscoot@comcast.net! Bye-Bye!
June 4th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
[...] My Barbaro post continues to garner attention. Today, pictured above, Dagjjkscoot (Ironically, the name literally translates to “One Who Has Sex With Horses” in Swahili) took the time to write me (as well as many of OFAL’s long and trusted loyal readers) one of the sweetest letters that the Fish has ever received. He’s also kindly volunteered his email address for all my future SPAM requests. [...]
June 19th, 2007 at 10:57 am
i amsolutely think it is not a god damn horse and it deserves at the very least 10 minutes of our time. But i am glad to hear that there was a fund raiser set up for it. I just saw a website of horse staughter. The hatred that filled in my heart because of those stupid people is sad and people like me horses are our life and they do not deserve to be killed intentionaly and we have no buiseness eating them. please write back
June 19th, 2007 at 11:56 am
[...] (pictured above) left a very nice, well thought out, and grammatically correct post on Barbaro Dies, People Cry, Elmer Rejoices. i amsolutely think it is not a god damn horse and it deserves at the very least 10 minutes of our [...]
September 30th, 2007 at 12:58 am
i love barbaro, i dont know how you could say stuff like that
October 12th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
You are EVILL!! Barbaro was a GREAT horse! a LEGEND!! I cant believe you would write stuff like this about him! He’s not just a “goddamn”
horse. He was a GREAT horse! YOU are just a GODDAMN BASTARD!!!!
October 12th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
you suck Stupid freakin idiot!!!
October 12th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
you suck Stupid freakin idiot!!!
October 15th, 2007 at 10:13 pm
wow,karma i hope one day
October 16th, 2007 at 4:03 pm
CHRIST, WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO HORSES! i love fucking horses. literally. i have one of those harnesses that lets me lower a horse deep within my cavernous cunt. it feels so good. i used to just fuck a bunch of black guys, but eventually their huge veiny dicks were not enough to get me off.
anyway, you need to STFU about horses. until you feel a horses thick hard horsey dick inside of you, you have NO RIGHT to talk smack about them.
October 22nd, 2007 at 8:38 pm
SCREW THIS POST!!! THAT HORSE WAS THE GREATEST RACER BESIDE RUFFIAN!!ALL HATERS CAN GO TO HELL!!THAT HORSE PROBLY MADE MORE MONEY IN HIS LIFE THEN YOU EVER WILL!!!!!
November 20th, 2007 at 9:55 pm
[...] the final piece. If you have to, you may glue additional elements to your final piece as necessary. I love this post No, I didn’t make a typo. You read that correctly. I said “glue”. Who the hell [...]