Wish You Were Here
Afishionados,
While performing the ritual of “field daying1” onboard USS Abraham Lincoln, I happened upon a brochure discussing how awesome2 Naval Station Everett (NSE) is. I glanced through it and scanned, for your entertainment, the best parts and finest offerings that the base has to provide.
First, the MWR director (seen here after sharting his pants) was kind enough to welcome me at the front of the brochure with an expression of joy that would put even the most skilled Wal-Mart Greeter to shame. Based on his expression alone, I wonder if he served any prison time or really ingested all those fetuses in the first place.
The galley on base is really a small restaurant known as the “All American Restaurant”. The food and dining experiences are much, much better than those on the ship3. Whether you favor Mountain Dew or Wine with your regurgitated noodles matters not, as both are readily available at the All American. It’s always nice to sit down and experience a relatively quiet meal with - AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT IN THE WINDOW??!! THE ALIENS HAVE LANDED AND ARE AFTER US!!! RRRRUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!
Child care services are available to all sailors in the extremely likely event that they will be working long hours in a completely different city than that of CVN-72’s home port. The only stipulation? You must be British.
No base is complete without recreational events. What does NSE have to offer? I have no idea. But this photo sure got my attention and I am all for participating in this event. Shooting gigantic man-eating birds with slingshots? What the hell does this photo really represent? Who cares! Death to Birds!
1Translation: cleaning for 15 minutes and tryin to look busy for the remaining 2:45.
2And by “awesome”, I mean Not.
3Sitting in a wet diaper and eating grass is probably more favorable than eating onboard the ship, so this isn’t saying a whole helluva lot.
January 7th, 2007 at 9:39 am
Will you send me one of these brochures? Please? I’ll pay you. I want one REAL BAD!
January 7th, 2007 at 7:12 pm
What th heck IS that on th plate — Flotsam Parmesan?
January 8th, 2007 at 2:03 am
Hey - that woman in the second-last photo is Princess Diana! And they say she died in a car crash!
Wait till I tell the Weekly World News…
January 8th, 2007 at 5:25 pm
I keep giggling about this post. Except when I look at the picture of that director guy inviting people to come and enjoy… then I just get cold shivers.
January 8th, 2007 at 5:26 pm
He looks like the kind of guy who would own a pig farm. Just another thought.
January 9th, 2007 at 8:26 am
Sling-shotting giant birds? Interesting. I’d fight Paul Dessert for a chance to do that.
January 9th, 2007 at 11:43 pm
That diredtor looks like your average catholic priest. Give you sacrements during the day, molest your kid by night. Though it looks like he could have a good chance on the lady in the british flag. Do you maybe think the last picture is sort of a naval punishment and not a recreation? On the other hand the director probably loves this kind of funny recreation.
May 31st, 2007 at 11:57 am
I LOVE BIRDS AND YOUR SITE AFFENDES ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
July 4th, 2007 at 11:53 am
I work for this department and helped create this brochure. Although your comments are pretty funny in hind sight, I hope you know we in MWR work very hard to support our sailors and their families.
July 4th, 2007 at 3:04 pm
Navy Worker: Oh I know that MWR works hard for the military and their families. Definitely no arguments there, you guys do great work. But I stand by my comments for the brochure