Say What?
Afishionados,
One thing about the Abe is that you’re hardly ever alone. There are always people around, even if you don’t want them to be. This is cause for experimentation.
In our over-abundance of spare time, my friends and I sit around and try to think up random phrases to say that make no sense whatsoever when we’re in a crowd with lots of other people. We then wait for a reaction from eavesdroppers or curious folk.
Thus far, the best facial expressions and reactions have come from the following phrases (in no particular order):
“You wouldn’t have that rash if you didn’t touch yourself at night.”
“So I’m balls deep in this 8-year-old, and he has the nerve to turn around and say, ‘Is it in yet?’”
“So there I was: rubber chicken in one hand, beer in the other, and there’s blood EVERYWHERE…”
“If it wasn’t for my horse, I would have never made it through college.”1
More results as experimentation continues. Suggestions welcome.
1I’m told that Lewis Black originally said this, so we don’t claim it as our own. But it’s simply too good to pass up.
October 24th, 2006 at 7:34 pm
Try: My first sex-change operation was on th house; the seckon one I hadta pay for.
October 24th, 2006 at 8:16 pm
If I said any of those around here I don’t think anyone would so much as blink.
October 25th, 2006 at 1:00 am
Try this one on a plane: “Hey everyone - I’ve got a bomb in my carry-on”.
That always gets a laugh.
October 25th, 2006 at 6:22 am
It burns when I pee.
or
So last night we did the Dirty Sanchez.
October 25th, 2006 at 7:44 am
My kids and I enjoy waving excitedly to random strangers and saying, “How you doing? Haven’t seen you in awhile!” forcing them to smile and wave back all the while looking confused. You can just see their furrowed brow and trying to figure out if they know us and where they know us from.
The other thing we do is to stop in the middle of a crowd of people whether inside or outside and just silently start looking upwards and pointing. It’s always fun to see how many people will stop and start staring for imaginary sightings in the sky too.
We are much too clean of a family to ever use those wicked phrases you and your friends have come up with. Heathen!
October 25th, 2006 at 8:26 am
Whenever I pee or take a dump in public, I always get nasty looks.
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION
October 25th, 2006 at 12:34 pm
“that was the second time i got herpes”
“yea, i suck toes”
“my ass is buring, i dont know whats worng, i even showered”
“remember that time Bob got the light bulb stuck up his ass?”
“i have a great collection of toe nail clippings”
“…and thats the last time i ever fucked a goat”
“i stopped showering with my parents when i graduated high school”
“you made out with your sister how many times?”
“i only fell 5 stories”
“my cat got out of the oven again”
i hope that some of these can make you time funnier on the Abe, brother.
October 25th, 2006 at 1:43 pm
Before boats had quite so much capability to keep its crew informed out at sea, a fun one was, “Holy shit, I didn’t know Micheal Jordan died.”
I think the funniest one I heard was on my first trip on the Connie, “Hey, two airplanes just ran into some building in New York.”
“Bullshit.”
“No really, a couple huge ass airplanes just hit some important building in middle of fucking New York.”
“Fuck you, you already got me with the Micheal Jordan thing. How the fuck do two airplanes accidently hit the same building? Hey, is the boat turning? What the fuck?”