Afishionados,

I love movie soundtracks. Quite often, the music is better than the actual film itself. I’ve selected, for your audible pleasure, a collection of 8 songs that I like from various movies. The majority of these movies aren’t all that great, but something about their soundtracks is superb.

Simply click on the WFSH image above to launch the Radio player and hear the complete versions of all the songs listed below. The player will launch in a new window, and may not work if you have pop-up blockers installed. If that is the case, here is the direct link in case you have to manually open the player in a separate window.

Please note that the player has a scroll button on the right side. You’ll have to scroll down in order to see all the songs listed.

http://www.oldfishandlemonade.com/flash_mp3_player/wfsh.html

I believe that James Horner is the greatest composer when it comes to modern day cinema. His use of choir is the best in the world. My personal favorite soundtrack by him is the Titanic soundtrack, closely followed by Braveheart. Say what you will about the Titanic movie, but Sissel’s vocals are undeniably powerful and it’s in this soundtrack where Horner truly shines. He’s also one of the few composers who can make bagpipes sound good. Because I like him the best, I’ve put Horner first on the list.

1. James Horner - Casper - Casper’s Lullaby

One of Horner’s lesser known soundtracks is Casper. I think this soundtrack is also Horner’s most underrated. His use of piano and choir in this song, the movie’s main theme, is pure magic.

2. Steve Jablonsky - The Island - My Name is Lincoln

I’ve never seen The Island, but I’m willing to bet it’s a flop. Fortunately, this song’s not. I like how the song builds up to the theme and really takes off at the end.

3. Rachel Portman - The Cider House Rules - Main Titles

I enjoyed the The Cider House Rules movie more than the book, and this soundtrack is probably the one I listen to most often. The piano is never intrusive or distracting, and I’ve done some of my best Photoshopping to Portman’s music. If you like her work, I also highly recommend the soundtrack to Chocolat.

4. David Newman - The Mighty Ducks Theme

The Mighty Ducks is not one of Disney’s timeless classics and will most likely be forgotten as time goes on. I feel like this soundtrack, especially the main theme, was wasted on this film and should have been used on something bigger, better, and more powerful. My favorite part is when the “victory theme” takes off around 2:35, followed by the horn solo of the same music.

5. Bruce Broughton - Homeward Bound - End Credits

Another decent children’s movie with a first-rate soundtrack that’s far better than the film. I saw this movie for the first time when I was around 12 years old and I’ve been able to hum the theme ever since. This soundtrack, more than any other, has been stuck in my head more times than I can count and I don’t know why. Unfortunately, the CD has long been out of print and finding a copy for an affordable price is proving difficult (All I have is an MP3 format).

6. Craig Armstrong - Love Actually - Prime Minister’s Love Theme

Any movie with Keira Knightley is worth my time, and Love Actually is no exception. Arguably my favorite “chick flick” and one I watch every Christmas. Only two songs of Craig Armstrong’s are on the soundtrack, and this one is my favorite of the two.

7. Alan Silvestri - The Parent Trap - The Parent Trap Suite

Alan Silvestri’s best music is Back to the Future, but his work on The Parent Trap is top notch. Like Horner, I believe this is Silvestri’s most underrated work (and Lindsay Lohan’s best). The suite features all the various themes used throughout the film.

8. Klaus Badelt - The Time Machine - Godspeed

The Time Machine is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. It’s also one of the best soundtracks I’ve ever heard. I’m pretty sure the Eloi at the end of the song are saying “We’re glad this movie is over and we apologize we charged you money to see it. In fact, we apologize for making it.”

Hollywood, you can keep chugging out crappy movies one after another. Just make sure that a couple of them have really good soundtracks.

Afishionados,

I ordered a TV tuner for my MacBook this week and I’m pleased to announce that Elgato ships their products quickly because it’s already here. Finally, a solution to all my Skinemax LOST and Smallville recording needs.

The EyeTV Hybrid is slightly larger than a usb flash drive and includes a digital as well as analog tuner. The EyeTV software is simple to use and includes TiVo-like functions for scheduling and capturing your shows. It works extremely well and if you’re a Mac user in search of a TV solution for your beloved Apple, look no further.

There is a television station here that broadcasts some really strange foreign programming. I don’t know if it’s Chines, Korean, Japanese, or what, but it is incredibly weird. I never know what the people are saying or exactly why they sing and dance in brightyly colored fluffy dresses, but for 30 seconds or so it’s entertaining. If you’re really good, I may start recording some and showing it to you.

Afishionados,

I’m feeling introspective tonight. I’ve been relaxing to the fabulous music of James Horner and re-examining my life. I’m not happy and it’s affecting my friends and family, so I’ve been pondering various schemes in hopes to change it and make it better.

I feel like I’ve lost my way on the path that is my life. I thought the Navy would be a step in the right direction but I’ve never had a job where I’ve felt so sidetracked and worthless. I hate it.

While there are good people in the military, it seems that most of them are too stupid to do anything else with their lives so they join the armed forces. I don’t think I have the patience to last beyond my required contractual obligation. There’s just too much petty bullshit involved and too many games that I don’t want to play.

Everyday it’s the same old stuff. The same idiotic First Classes and Chiefs with the same mindless drivel spewing from their pointless mouths: “Did you shave today? Why aren’t your boots polished? Did you iron your uniform at all, shipmate?”

Why are these the things that matter the most to so many people? I’ll never understand this. I’ve never onced asked another man about his shave, his haircut, his shoes, his clothes, or any other “military bearing” question that commonly comes up. I like to think that I have other things that I could worry about. If the only thing that you have to fuss about is how another person looks, then I want your job. A man’s clothes are not what really defines him. Looks aren’t everything, as George W. Bush proves.

I need a more creative outlet and I fully intend to find one. I don’t fancy myself as a good writer, so I don’t see my full-time career as a blogger taking off any time soon. But I wouldn’t mind dabbling in the areas of graphic design or photography. And I want to travel. Getting out of Washington is always a good thing.

James is done conducting for the night, and therefore I must retire. Tomorrow will soon be here, with it I hope comes a chance to start over fresh. If I continue the life of a mindless drone, then I’m afraid it will kill me in the end. I need meaning, I need a purpose. I don’t know what tomorrow brings, but I’m sure I can’t afford to miss it.

Afishionados,

Though I hate to admit, I’ve been perusing Myspace.com tonight. I looked up people in my old hometown by using my old high school as a search term. I think I’ve seen more than I care to, and I’ve learned a few things along the way:

1. No matter how ugly, stupid, or how long your criminal record must be by now, people will still have sex with you and produce offspring.

2. Some people that were relatively normal looking in high school have put on at least 100 pounds.

3. Some people that were never attractive in my class suddenly got really, really hot.

4. Some of the girls in my younger brothers’ classes also got very, very hot.

5. I’m behind the times when it comes to kids. Everyone seems to have them except me.

6. Folks that always said “I’ll never stay in this crummy town” did just that.

7. Some people never change.

8. Some people do change, and not always for the better.

9. I couldn’t find the people I’d most like to talk to again anywhere on Myspace.

10. I have the coolest looking, least annoying Myspace page of anyone from my old high school.

Afishionados,

I’ve decided to offer you guys a chance to come to work with me so you can see what I do all day on the fire watch team. But first, there are some rules you guys have to know about before you can just walk into the hangar bay.

We’re all about stupidity safety here on the Lincoln. Backpacks are welcome onboard the Lincoln, but there are some stipulations. You can only wear it on your back if you’re not on the ship. I have been stopped in the hangar bay twice already for violations on this, our most serious of national security threats (Once for wearing my backpack on my back via both shoulders straps and once for having it slung over my right shoulder).

Instead of wearing your backpack, you’re going to have to carry it in your left hand at all times (in case you must salute an officer in the hangar bay). Once again, at no time must you wear your backpack on your back.

I realize some of you out there may not be able to fit all your belongings into a normal-sized backpack for our little outing. Fret not, this is the government and we have a solution. You are permitted to bring along your standard Navy issue seabag (pictured above). Please note, however, that upon entering the hangar bay, your seabag must be worn on your back via both shoulders through both shoulder straps. Again, to reiterate, you must wear your seabag on your back while in the hangar bay.

Because the Lincoln is in drydock, hardhats are required to be worn on the ship at all times. If you are caught without your hardhat while onboard Abraham Lincoln there is a high probability that someone in khakis will come along and bitch at you because they have nothing better to do. Be warned, that if the khaki-wearer has a mustache, their odds of being a complete asshole are quadrupled.

Safety to your eyes is paramount. Therefore, safety goggles are required to be worn at all times in conjunction with your hardhat. Please be advised that the khaki rule (above) also applies to goggles. If you’re like me and you already wear durable polycarbonate eyeglasses, tough shit. You’re not a pretty little butterfly and you’re not special. This is the government and we’ve created a solution: wear safety goggles over your eyeglasses. Sure, this will increase the amount of glare and make it harder to see because you’re looking through two pairs of eyeglasses, but at least you’ll be safe.

Shipyard hippies workers are also prone to bitching at you for not wearing your safety goggles. Ignore them, as I do, because they are not in the Navy and are not in your chain of disarray command. Don’t get upset if a hippie calls you out. Instead, offer them a friendly sarcastic retort. “Oh, I’m sorry, do I work for you?” Chances are, they will either not get it or will just walk away. Exercise caution, however, as some hippies are notorious for sniffing out khakis and bitching to them about you, which puts you in danger of the khaki rule.

By following these and other simple rules, your time spent onboard the USS Abraham Lincoln is sure to be a pleasant one. Thank you and welcome aboard!

Aaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrfishionados,

Happy International Talk Like A Pirate Day! You guys remember our secret club, right? I thought today would be the perfect time to unveil to you our official club flag.

Click for a larger view of the flag.

Aaaaaaarrrr! Now, everyone prepare to set sail onboard Old Fish and Lemonade’s very own pirate ship, The Scorned Wench. There’s plenty of buried women, delicious treasure, and beautiful rum for everybody!

P.S. There be hidden treasure in this post!

Afishionados,

When last I wrote about working for muppets, I failed to mention that there are actually two people [that like to believe that they are] in charge of me. Like Ernie, Bert also lacks a penis and is incapable of thinking for himself.

Bert and Ernie can’t do anything [correctly] without attempting to decipher hidden clues buried deep within the contents of Ernie’s clipboard. I watched them stare at it for over 40 minutes today, trying to figure out what to “do”. I’m pretty sure that the clipboard contains the answers to all life’s most important questions, such as “Who really killed Jean Benet Ramsey?”, “Where is Jimmy Hoffa buried?”, and “Where are the weapons of mass destruction hidden?”. I guarantee you that if you stare that clipboard long enough, the answers will present themselves.

Today was Sunday, which means all the officers and “important” people are at home and aren’t around to watch Bert and Ernie’s every move (Not that they really do anything anyway). Fire watches have to be scheduled 24 hours in advance, so there should be no secrets that come up from the shipyard workers when they want to weld something.

In my eyes, this means I should be able to “disappear” (i.e. take the 9:30 bus back home). After all, if there’s no work to be done, what’s the point in staying? Bert and Ernie disagree with me on this and instead force me to literally do nothing but sit and “guard” our beloved plywood cubicle of love in the hangar bay.

The level of stupidity in the Navy is really wearing on me, and I still have a long way to go. People are such assholes, especially when it comes to pointless shit. I’m pretty sure that I’m going to crack and bitch slap someone at some point.  Something has got to change, or I’m going to shoot myself in the face. Twice.

Why is it that the food that tastes the best is the worst for you?  It hardly seems fair that after enjoying a delicious plate of corned beef hash that I am forced to scurry off to the lavatory only to squirt and flush processed meat and potatoes.

Is there no justice in this world?

Afishionados,

This news just in courtesy of ContactMusic.com:

KEVIN COSTNER has waded into the debate about controversial new movie DEATH OF A PRESIDENT, insisting British director GABRIEL RANGE failed to consider how GEORGE W BUSH’s family would react to scenes of the US President being assassinated. The DANCES WITH WOLVES star was caught up in the controversy at the Toronto Film Festival in Canada at the weekend (09-10SEP06), where he premiered his new film, THE GUARDIAN, alongside the screening of Death of A President. Movie fans reportedly sat in stunned silence at the end of Range’s screening, which featured doctored images of Bush getting shot, and Costner, who wasn’t in the audience, isn’t happy with what he’s heard about the film. He says, “It’s awfully hard if you’re his children, his wife, his mother, his dad; there’s a certain thing we can’t lose as human beings, which is empathy for maybe the hardest job in the world. “Whether we think it’s being performed right or not we can’t, like, wish… or think that’s even cute.”

Kevin Costner (posing above with high hopes that President Bush will harbor his weapon of mass destruction within his clenched butt cheeks) isn’t happy and you know what that means. Exactly, no one cares.

Where does John Dunbar Costner come off bitching about movies? Does anyone else out there remember Waterworld? Or worse yet, The Postman? If anyone should be shot in a movie, it should definitely be Ray Kinsella Kevin Costner.

“It’s awfully hard if you’re his children, his wife, his mother, his dad; there’s a certain thing we can’t lose as human beings, which is empathy for maybe the hardest job in the world.”

And, Robin Hood Mr. Costner, the same thing could be said for all the troops who’ve died for this pointless war. STFU already.

Afishionados,

My ship is now in dry dock, which means just what it sounds like. There’s no water beneath the carrier. For obvious reasons, the reactor isn’t really “up and running” so I’m of little use to my nuclear co-workers right now.

Because of this, I’ve been pawned off to a “fire watch” team. The schedule is great (aside from the bus ride¹) and the work is easy. My job is simple: I watch shipworkers weld and, in the extremely unlikely case that they set something on fire, my job is to extinguish it with my trusty CO2 pal. Keep in mind that they’re welding steel and that steel very rarely catches on fire. So, what I suppose I should say is that I watch people weld and nothing else.

My boss² is a fellow nuke and his personality is underwhelming to say the least. Aside from the fact that he wears glasses, he looks exactly like Ernie the Muppet from Sesame Street. I like to sing the much beloved “Rubber Ducky” song around him as often as possible which, deep in his heart, I know he loves (I can tell by the way he rolls his eyes and scowls that he thoroughly enjoys it as much as I do).

I’m not for sure what it is that Ernie does all day other than catch flies with his noticeable underbite and stare at his clipboard. The way the fire team works is I wait in a plywood cubicle with 50 or so other people until a shipworker needs someone to watch them weld. Because Ernie is in charge, he never actually “fire watches”. He just…reads his clipboard and…um…underbites things.

¹By boss I mean “one who believes I am away working because I am nowhere to be found”.

²I don’t know if Hell exists, but I do know that you have to take a bus to get there.