In boot camp I attended a class on terrorism and how to best “protect” yourself and avoide a terrorist attack. Some of the suggestions from the class instructor included the following:

1. Vary your schedule and do not take the same route to work every day.
2. Do not wear your uniform out in town or in public any more than is necessary.¹
3. Do not tell people that you are in the Navy.
4. Do not tell people where the ship is located.

Having said that:

1. I don’t really take a bus in the morning every day to work only to get back on the bus late in the afternoon to return home.
2. Not only do I not take a hypothetical bus ride every day, but there is absolutely no way I don’t really ride the bus on the exact same route every hypothetical day.
3. I am not in the Navy. Nor did I every hypothetically say that I was.
4. The big fucking hypothetical gray ship with the “72″ painted on it (which is also hypothetically illuminated at night) that you can hypothetically see from the public highway is not the USS Abraham Lincoln. You never saw it, and neither have I. What you really saw was swamp gas from a weather balloon that was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.

If you’re a terrorist and you read this far, please forget everything at this point. Thank you!

¹It’s not permitted to board the hypothetical bus unless you are in uniform. But don’t let this fool you, as the big bus with all the uniformed personnel is not really full of uniformed personnel.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 30th, 2006 at 8:21 pm and is filed under Bullshit, Navy, Your Tax Dollars. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.