Afishionados,

It is with much pain and regret and I am here to inform you that my ship, the U.S.S. Neverhome CVN-72 is on its way to the other side of the Puget Sound here in Washington. This means that former Navy personnel that have the fortunate luck to be out of the Navy yet the foolishness to return to working alongside it and have converted from “I’m a neat and tidy sailor with a pristine haircut” into “Fuck you, I make 8 times as much as you and I can grow my hair out and throw my cigarettes anywhere I please thank you very much because I am now a shipyard hippie” will be working on my ship.

This also means that my 8-hour day now includes a 2-hour bus ride to work and a 2-hour bus ride from work. Ah, yes, Uncle Sam, how I do love thee. From the creators of “Boot Camp” and “Naval Nuclear Power Training” comes the exciting sequel to the Naval Adventure that is my life, “The Shipyard”!

But that’s not all! If you act now, Uncle Sam will also throw in a FREE night’s stay¹ onboard CVN-72 in the most narrow, claustrophobic, shit-stained bed you can imagine! But wait, there’s more! If you call within the next 10 minutes we’ll also include our famous “Cinderella Liberty²” package and no additional cost to you! Hurry! Operators are standing by!

Someone send me some Midol because I’m going into Uber PMS mode until the spring.

¹This will be my first night I’ve slept onboard the Lincoln since I reported to it, hence the fruity picture. You get it, right?

²Cinderella Liberty means I have to report back to the ship no later than 12:00 midnight. Happy Happy Joy Joy.

This entry was posted on Monday, August 28th, 2006 at 8:47 pm and is filed under Bullshit, Navy, Travels. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.