Afishionados,

After three days of oversized maxi pad mattress moving, my weekend is finally here. Day three of being on the Stain Chain Gang was the quickest, and put new meaning to the term “Naval discharge”.

I didn’t do anything last night except watch television. Advertisers must be running out of ideas because the same three or four commercials kept repeating over and over again. I’m pretty sure I got the “message” after the 30th viewing: My brand new white VW Jetta is the safest car in its class and will protect me in the event that I crash into the new Dominos Square Fudge Brownies while Orville Redenbacher rides with me and explains, using antiquated popcorn poppers, why his popcorn is the best in the world!

The most annoying and repetitive commercial is the Dominos brownie offer. You can see the commercial I’m talking about here. It “features” Fudgems, a 3 foot tall fudge brownie who comes to the door along with the delivery guy to bring you (what else?) fudge brownies.

I don’t want to ruin the magic for all you believers out there, but Fudgems is not the High King of the Fudge Brownies that he pretends to be. In reality, he’s a midget in a square costume that’s made of fur. Fur brownies!?! Wait a tick, maybe I am interested in this offer! I mean, come on, who among us out there wouldn’t just love to sink our teeth into some fudgy fur?

I haven’t seen a mascot this stupid since the Olympics. And what’s with the name “Fudgems”? Fudgems sounds like a term for those devious devils that find your way into your underwear when all you meant to do was sneak a squeak.

Say no to Fudgems. Say Yes to Wiz.

This entry was posted on Saturday, August 26th, 2006 at 9:24 am and is filed under Bullshit, Make Believe, Navy, Television. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.