Afishionados,

Fellow sailors in the reactor department onboard CVN-72 have been asking me if I’m planning to reenlist this fall (I have the option at my two year point to do so). So, let’s take a look at some new evidence in the Case of Atlas Cerise vs. Reenlistment.

This morning, I was part of a working party group of people who were off to the other side of the water to another Naval base in Bremerton, WA. The bus was meant to arrive at 0700, take us directly to Bremerton, we’d move mattresses, then the bus would bring us back. We’d be finished by 1400 and we could have the rest of the day off.

The bus arrived at 0700. I got on. And waited until 8 fucking thirty to finally leave the base. Seamen Recruit Gomer Goddam Pile was our bus driver, and spent 30 minutes on the phone calling someone to find out how to get off the base. How to get off the base. My first instinct was to, oh, I dunno, go out the big fucking gate.

Finally, SR Pile gets us off the base. It takes almost two hours to drive to Bremerton because:

SR Pile does a fine job driving to Bremerton, and we arrive. And wait. For another hour. We don’t know why. Eventually, a truck full of mattresses from the carrier arrives and we need to offload the truck and get them into various racks inside the barracks. This is not a hard job to do and it takes less than an hour.

I’d like to pause here and describe the mattresses to you. The mattresses that the Navy utilizes onboard CVN-72 look like props from the movie SAW. I saw every possible form of stain known to mankind today. Cum stain, sweat stain, piss stain, puke stain… And those were just the first layer. I saw urine stains with rings. I could decipher the age of the mattress as though it were a tree trunk.

“Ah, yes, here’s a vintage piss stain back from ‘94. And if you look closely, you can see a cum stain from ‘97 that borders it. Yessiree, these are real treasures”

The female mattresses were even worse. Ladies, wear a fucking pad already.

Once the delightful task of unloading the mattresses was completed, everyone once again boarded the bus. And waited. For twenty minutes. Finally, SR Pile discovers his right foot and learns to push down on the accelerator.

If you’ve never been to Washington before, don’t bother coming. The Space Needle is not that cool and traffic is an absolute nightmare. What would be a 20 minute drive from Seattle to Everett is now an hour-and-a-half ordeal. By bus, it takes even longer. By Government bus, it takes the longest.

A couple years hours later the bus finally returns us to good ol’ Naval Station Everett. We arrived at 1400, just like we were promised 1530.

So, 7 hours of bus riding and 1 hour of work later, we return to the initial question of “Will I be reenlisting?”

The court finds in favor of ET3 Cerise. Judgement for the plaintiff in the amount of “Are you out of your fucking mind?”

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 23rd, 2006 at 5:45 pm and is filed under Bullshit, Navy, Your Tax Dollars. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.