See Gulls, Admiral?
I’ve spent the past three days doing nothing but picking up trash around the Navy base. When I say I’ve done nothing else, I’m not kidding. That’s all I’ve been doing. I don’t really mind it, though. The weather here has been beautiful and it’s a welcome change from a year-and-a-half of training indoors for 16 hours.
Apparently, some admiral is coming to visit the base. Oh, and his wife. I hear his wife mentioned more often than him, so she must be really important1. Someone has spread new mulch around the base and all the windows have been cleaned for the first time in 200 years.
But the best part about the admiral’s visit is the removal of the seagull shit. Seagulls are everywhere on base, therefore seagull shit is, too. One of the buildings on base features a metal roof and is a favored perch for the seagulls. Unfortunately, the building is also home to several dead seagulls. It’s like they fly up there and then die, just to spite me. Oh, and don’t forget the gallons of bird poop on the roof. Add sun to the mix and you get a nice, toasty odor of dead bird and guano. Did I mention the building spans a couple blocks? Yea, I hope the admiral (and his wife) loves walking past it as much as I do.
It’s impossible (if not incredibly pointless) to wash the roof of the building. The Navy would have to get civilian contractors to climb up there with ladders and pressure washers, and this would mean that the Navy would have to spend money and that hardly ever happens. Unless you are the admiral’s wife and we think you need to smell new mulch. Otherwise, fuck you2.
1I doubt it.
2All opinions expressed on O.F.a.L. do not necessarily represent the opinions of the United States Navy. The author understand that his opinions are generally more correct than those of the government.
Original seagull photo (C)Tim Knight.
August 2nd, 2006 at 5:49 pm
TIPski: If th sailors startd shittin all ovr th base, Im sure the cmmanders woud quit werryin bout th seagull crap.
October 14th, 2006 at 11:22 pm
[...] I hate birds. Hate ‘em. They shit all over everything and they’re all out to get me. Today, yet another one of these avian vermin bastards tried to kill me. Fortunately for me (and undoubtedly for you), I survived its malicious attempt. [...]