A couple nights ago, I kept hearing that annoying beeping sound of a large truck backing up. I ignored it at first, but when it went on for a good 5+ minutes, I rose from the couch to seek out the source of the annoyance. After all, there’s only so much parking lot on which one can backup on, you know?

Lo and behold, it was a firetruck. I watched as one of the firemen carried a shovel to the back of the apartment. For what reason, I am left only to wonder, as no hoses of any kind were used during the incident. (I like to think someone’s annoying bird fell from the window and immediately died on impact and that the fireman was going to bury the little bastard. I hate birds.)

Luckily, I was prepared with my new camera and I had time to take a photo. Ironically, a similiar incident occurred whilst living in an apartment in Columbus, Ohio. I woke up one morning to the sounds of sirens. LOTS of sirens. I looked out the window and at least thirty fire trucks were parked alongside the street. No fire could be seen anyplace, but it’s nice to know that the entire city’s firetruck supply showed up…just in case.

Moral of the story? Live near me and you will burn.

Me, after observing that the tube of Aquafresh toothpaste has mysteriously disappeared and been replaced with a new tube of Crest: “Hey, what happened to the toothpaste?”

Not me: “What toothpaste?”

Me: “You know, the toothpaste! It was right here! What happened?”

Not me: “It was empty so I threw it out.”

Me: “Emtpy? It wasn’t emtpy! Why’d you throw it out!?”

Not me: “It was flat!”

You can’t dispose of a tube of toothpaste based on its flatness. There’s a difference between flat and empty. Compare it to breasts. A woman may have a flat chest, but that’s not to say there is nothing there. There’s something there. It might not be much, but it’s something. And you wouldn’t throw those out just because they were a little flat, would you?

While browsing at a used bookstore, I came upon an action figure for some series called “Bibleman“. Apparently, the series has been around since the 90’s and I’ve just never heard of it until now.

I think it’s one of the dumbest fucking things I’ve ever seen. Bibleman, pictured above at the Long Beach Lesbian & Gay Pride Festival and Parade, is an “evangelical superhero” who fights super sinning criminals.

While googling for more information on this retarded subject matter, I came across these videos which are hard evidence for the case that Bibleman is, in fact, a middle-aged virgin who still lives with his mother.

The only cool thing about Bibleman is that he has a lightsaber. But, that would mean that Bibleman stole the idea from George Lucas and Star Wars. Isn’t stealing against the Bible? Zounds!

The action figure that I found was Luxor Spawndroth, Bibleman’s nemesis. Luxor was exiled from Star Trek’s Borg for being a flaming homosexual and a eunich.

Sources: Wikipedia, Smugmug, Slowpencil.net

sow

Pronunciation Key (sou)

n.

An adult female hog.

Britney Spears poses nude for Harper’s Bazaar magazine, August 2006 edition. Isn’t her singing bad enough?

Lately, the campaign trail has been a rough road to travel for the 2008 presidential hopeful, Joey Polanski. Recent accusations, including a sex scandal with the legendary porn star/ballerina Anne Arkham and trading of nuclear secrets to the Australian and Vietnamese governments via secret Internet colleagues, have hindered Mr. Polanski’s progress in the polls.

Mr. Polanski’s campaign manager was able to discuss these and other matters more in depth.

“Polish women are the biggest supporters of Mr. Polanski’s campaign, yet his popularity among them continues to dwindle. Mr. Polanski’s been campaigning hard to change that.”

Over the Fourth of July weekend, Mr. Polanski was able to attend the 69th Annual “Miss Clueless” Beauty Pageant and Gun Show. Why would a man in the news for a sex scandal want to visit something like this? I asked his campaign manager for more details on the subject.

“Mr. Polanski attended this event for the same reason every other man that was there did, ” his campaign manager said. “Because he’s sensitive to the needs of women and he wants to show that. Sure, they have great breasts and beautiful asses, but that’s not why Mr. Polanski was there. Even if you can’t win a beauty pageant, you’re still a winner to Joey. Unless you’re ugly. ”

Doubts remain among women polled, though the campaign manager continued further by stating, “Mr. Polanski is also aware of the issues involving the second amendment. He wanted to show his support.”

When asked what Mr. Polanski’s stance was on the second amendment, Mr. Polanski’s campaign manager was only able to scratch his head. “Well, to tell you the truth, I don’t think Mr. Polanski’s really made up his mind yet. But I’m here today to assure you that he will, at some point in the future, decide something.”

Perhaps Mr. Polanski’s first priority should be to announce which party he’s actually running for. “Which party?” his campaign manager asked. “Heck, that doesn’t matter! It’s always a party with Joey around!”

Well, folks, another movie sequel is headed our way this week and-

Ummm…. the…uhhh… name of the, ah…. film is…uuuhhhh….

Well, I…uh…forget the name at the moment but, well, I know I’ll be seeing it.