Hot on the Campaign Trail
Lately, the campaign trail has been a rough road to travel for the 2008 presidential hopeful, Joey Polanski. Recent accusations, including a sex scandal with the legendary porn star/ballerina Anne Arkham and trading of nuclear secrets to the Australian and Vietnamese governments via secret Internet colleagues, have hindered Mr. Polanski’s progress in the polls.
Mr. Polanski’s campaign manager was able to discuss these and other matters more in depth.
“Polish women are the biggest supporters of Mr. Polanski’s campaign, yet his popularity among them continues to dwindle. Mr. Polanski’s been campaigning hard to change that.”
Over the Fourth of July weekend, Mr. Polanski was able to attend the 69th Annual “Miss Clueless” Beauty Pageant and Gun Show. Why would a man in the news for a sex scandal want to visit something like this? I asked his campaign manager for more details on the subject.
“Mr. Polanski attended this event for the same reason every other man that was there did, ” his campaign manager said. “Because he’s sensitive to the needs of women and he wants to show that. Sure, they have great breasts and beautiful asses, but that’s not why Mr. Polanski was there. Even if you can’t win a beauty pageant, you’re still a winner to Joey. Unless you’re ugly. ”
Doubts remain among women polled, though the campaign manager continued further by stating, “Mr. Polanski is also aware of the issues involving the second amendment. He wanted to show his support.”
When asked what Mr. Polanski’s stance was on the second amendment, Mr. Polanski’s campaign manager was only able to scratch his head. “Well, to tell you the truth, I don’t think Mr. Polanski’s really made up his mind yet. But I’m here today to assure you that he will, at some point in the future, decide something.”
Perhaps Mr. Polanski’s first priority should be to announce which party he’s actually running for. “Which party?” his campaign manager asked. “Heck, that doesn’t matter! It’s always a party with Joey around!”
July 6th, 2006 at 1:03 pm
Time fer me t put a pole in th field. I want hard numbrs on how much soft spport I got among the Clueless Curvys.
July 7th, 2006 at 12:11 am
Joey: The competition is getting stiff.
July 15th, 2006 at 9:36 am
Oh, by th way, Mr Campain Mannidgr … You was askin fer a duded-up pic o me t use in th campain.
I think if ya go sniffin roun my Back Door, ya jus mite find sompm good.
July 15th, 2006 at 9:53 am
P.S. May I have yer permission t use, ovr at th JPS an th Back Door, th “JP ‘08″ postr you creatd?
I realy think we can win this thing … wit th rite artwerk.
(*ejackulates wit dlusions o grandeur*)
July 15th, 2006 at 12:31 pm
Joey: Yea, you can definitely use the poster. Feel free to snag the small one from the left of my page or get the big one here.
If you need any other campaign material (i.e. “artwerk”), just drop me a line here at this post again and I’ll see what I can do.
July 15th, 2006 at 7:10 pm
Im gonna leave you t mannidge th campain.
Meanwile, you can count on me t bcome involvd in plenny o scandles an cmmit plenny o embarassin gaffs that th campainll hafta xplain to th votrs.
I mean, I dont xpeckt you t do ALL o th werk here!
July 25th, 2006 at 6:07 pm
Yer in charge o th campain.
Im plannin a few “plitickle” posts, an will probly pervide a few more pitchrs — prhaps some at JPS, prhaps some at JBD. Feel free to “lift em” an use yer wizerdry to perduce some gut-bustin campain mterials — postrs, press-rleases, whatevr.
I hereby appoint you th Stevn Spielberg of th Polanski campain.
July 25th, 2006 at 6:12 pm
Oh, by th way … I only jus realizd how similar this Polanski-Wif-Hot-Babes pitchr is to this othr one, wich was creatd many moons ago by th wife o Tom Serafini.
July 25th, 2006 at 6:17 pm
What can I say? You’re obviously the most sexy drawing ever to come out of MS Paint.
August 1st, 2006 at 2:01 pm
O Campain-Guru:
Ya got a onnerable mention ovr at Th Back Door.
September 3rd, 2007 at 4:49 pm
Hey!
I wondr if youd mind chimin in on sompm I brougt up wif th Revrend ovr at th Hole. I know yer a WordPress ovr Blogger kinda guy, but Id realy be intrested in as much as you care to tell me about web hosting prviders youve had experience wif.
September 3rd, 2007 at 6:50 pm
Thanks, ol boy!
VERRRrrry helpflski!