It’s occurred to me that I have not described my roommate (Mr. Gigglepiss) with enough detail. The guy reminds me of Uncle Fester from the Addam’s Family. He’s chubby, he shaves his head bald, and he, too, has dark circles under his eyes from late night partying and drinking (though, in Uncle Fester’s defense, I don’t think he did much drinking or partying).

His most annoying quality is his inability to hear anything at normal human levels. Whenever I come back to the room, the television is always playing so loudly that I can hear it two doors down the hall (with the door shut, mind you). Naturally, because he is so hard of hearing, he talks and giggles loudly to compensate.

Perhaps his second-most annoying trait is what he watches on television. Gigglepiss only watches racing and VH1. We’ve already discussed how boring the game of racing is, so I won’t go into that again. VH1 is almost as boring to watch as cars turning left because they only seem to play one type of program: those that deal with “behind the music” of heavy metal and rock and roll bands. This wouldn’t be so bad if it didn’t seem like they always featured the same band over and over. Is it too much to ask that they feature Rod Stewart or Perpetual Ocean once in a while?

On a different note, I’ve discovered these fruit bars at a store here on base that are quite delicious. They’re made by a company called Sunbelt and they’re “Fruit and Grain Bars”. The strawberry is delicious and quite popular here on base because the store is often sold out of them. They’re also really cheap which is the primary reason why I buy them.

These little babies come in a box of 8 for $1.79. Throw in a couple bottles of Lipton Sweet Tea for $2.32 and you’ve got yourself a nice little snack.

Because Mr. Gigglepiss is deaf, I can’t make phone calls inside the room because I can never hear anyone over the TV. I went out to the hallway to call my dad. About 20 minutes into the conversation, Gigglepiss left the room, giggled something to me as he passed, then skipped merrily down the hallway to the elevators like a giddy schoolgirl.

Once I finished talking to my dad, I found myself quite thirsty and a little hungry. Thirsty for tea and hungry for a fruit bar. As I picked up my fruit bar box, I couldn’t help but notice that it felt lighter than it should have been. I thought that was odd, so I dumped the contents out on my bed and counted them. There were six bars. The bastard had stolen two of my tasty my fruit bars!

I’m debating what to do for revenge, but I’m afraid anything I’d do would violate the Navy’s “no hazing” policy. I thought about pissing in an emtpy beer bottle (fill it to the top), cap it, and leave it in the fridge on Friday morning when I leave San Diego. And of course, Mr. Gigglepiss would get thirsty…

Most of the people who read the Fish are creative (if not evil), so if you have your own suggestion it’s welcome. After all, what kind of a world would we live in if our fruit bars were stolen and we sat idly by and did nothing to stop it?

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 30th, 2006 at 12:58 pm and is filed under Navy, Oddities. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.