On Spandex and Speeding
My roommate here on base is a diesel mechanic. This essentially translates to “he’s stupid”. I’ve taken it upon myself to treat the next couple weeks as an experiment with this guy. We have virtually nothing in common, and we tend to disagree about everything. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not a bad person or anything, he’s just a moron.
Hes obsessed with wrestling and car racing (Both Indy Car and NASCAR). Large, sweaty men in tight spandex pants hugging each other in front of hundred of onlookers does not excite me in the least. But my pudgy friend can’t get enough of the stuff.
In an attempt to ensue rage and get my flabby pal all worked up for my entertainment, I always argue the point that neither wrestling nor car racing is a sport. It’s nothing more than bad acting and driving. Althought I could technically wear spandex panties and fondle dudes on TV, there are more pressing matters I’ve got to attend to first. (Rest assured, however, that once I do go pro-wrestler the press release will be seen here on the Fish first.)
Nascar and Indy car racing are just games, not sports. You can drive, I can drive, my grandmother can drive (not fast, but she can do it). There’s nothing athletic about driving and no one will ever convince me otherwise. You’re sitting and turning left for a couple hours at really high speeds. Booooooooooooring.
Perhaps if the two sports could be combined in some fashion. Rednecks all over the globe would, no doubt, rejoice. I, for one, would still never watch.
May 15th, 2006 at 7:00 pm
Hmm. On your criteria you’d have to rule out a number of Olympic-approved sports like archery, shooting, equestrian and maybe luge (well you just lie there for Pete’s sake).
I know what Santa’s bringing you this Christmas…
May 15th, 2006 at 7:45 pm
Bravo, Jedi! Aaaaaaaa - MENski!
Horse racin, dull as THAT can be, comes FAR closr t quallifyin as a “athletick” event.
May 16th, 2006 at 9:34 am
Oh, saaaaaaay, Real Men wear tights. They are sooooooo sexy.
May 16th, 2006 at 2:45 pm
anaglyph: It’s not called the Olympic Games for nothing.
Joey: Horce racing is a game, too. Unless you’re the horse, in which case it is a sport.
MJ: Thank you for your input, I had no idea that you read the Fish. Considering that you used to be a real man and are now a plastic woman, your comment means a lot.
May 16th, 2006 at 3:33 pm
NASCAR stands for None Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks. BEAD
May 17th, 2006 at 6:03 am
Let’s see any of you drive for 500 miles at 200 mph, less than 6 inches from the car in front of you. By your standards, baseball may not be a sport. You just stand there and wait for the ball to come to you, unless you are the pitcher, catcher or batter. What about golf? Walk, stop, swing. Walk, stop swing. Where is the sport in that?
May 17th, 2006 at 6:04 pm
Anonymous: I never said it was easy, I just said it wasn’t a sport. And it’s not, it’s a game at best. You sit on your ass in a car and go roundy roundy. Also, I never mentioned golf or baseball, you did.
Speaking of baseball, you seem unclear as to how the game is played. “You just stand there and wait for the ball to come to you, unless you are the…catcher or batter.” Unless? The ball does, in fact, come at you if you are either of these two people.
May 17th, 2006 at 7:56 pm
Ted Williams once said playing baseball is one of the hardest games to play. Try hiting a round ball with a round bat come at speeds from 60mph-100mph.
May 17th, 2006 at 7:57 pm
golf and sex are the only things in the world a person can be terrible at and still have fun
May 18th, 2006 at 10:40 am
Hopefully, when havin sex, ya get a hole-in-one.
May 19th, 2006 at 4:55 pm
Joey: Don’t you mean one in the hole?
October 1st, 2006 at 6:06 pm
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