When Peter Jackson was asked to direct Tetherd Cow Ahead: The Movie, he immediately turned it down, stating that “the film is much too complicated and surreal” to be adapted to the big screen. “It’s like The Lord of the Rings, but worse. It’s just too damn big.” Fortunately for fans around the globe, Landon Flanagan stepped up to the plate and brought us the biggest, most spectacular film the world has ever seen. Ebert and Roeper call it “An instant classic” that is “not to be missed unless you have an excuse not to see it”.

The soundtrack to the biggest-budget film of all time is just as huge as the movie. Packed with over two hours of music, it’s being touted as “the must-have CD of the year!” by fans and critics everywhere.

When it was announced that Peter Miller would be doing the soundtrack to his own movie (under the guise of “Perpetual Ocean“), fans everywhere were hesitant. Was Miller trying to save a few bucks by doing his own music? It’s no secret that Tetherd Cow Ahead was overbudget, even before principal photography had begun shooting. (Contract woes with Joey Polanski put great strain on the film early on. Originally, Polanski had refused his now-famous nude rap music scene, where he beat boxes in the buff. Doubtless that the film would not stand where it is today without a pivotal scene such as this.)

Once it was announced that Shakira would come aboard the project to aid Miller in writing the music for his epic masterpiece, the fears of many were allayed. It was a tremendous risk for Miller that ultimately paid off in the end. All three of the songs from the soundtrack featuring Shakira have been #1 on the charts since the album’s release.

“Femmes Fatale” is perhaps the most recognizable and most appreciated of the three. At just over 30 minutes in length, the song is prominently heard during the controversial scenes with Anne Arkham and Jill mud wrestiling to compete for the love of the Reverend Anaglyph. The chorus, sung by Shakira at the top of her lungs, is positively invigorating. The director needed a musical piece worthy of such a scene, and Shakira does not disappoint. A hint of “March of the Reverend” (the film’s central theme throughout) can be heard in the background, and the polka finale (right as Polanski enters at the end of the scene) is unforgettable. “Femmes Fatale” is the longest (and arguably the best) song on the entire album. (The song’s 30 plus minutes length is necessary because the mud wrestling scene was filmed in the “bullet time” style made famous by The Matrix.)

The “Battle of Limericks” is the most controversial song featured in the soundtrack. It’s in this song that Shakira sings and recites the film’s now infamous limericks. On it’s own, the “Battle of Limericks” is little more than pure drivel and pointless banter. A recent review by Simon Cowell (he calls the music “disturbingly unpredictable”) has pushed the song to #3 on the top ten charts around the world, but it is believed by many that this is the only reason that anyone still listens to it.

“Glitch in the System” is the final song that Shakira sings. The song is a duet with Peter Miller and Shakira and is played near the film’s end when the Reverend Anaglyph receives a new kitten. While Shakira herself is reminiscent of a screeching cat, it’s Miller that really makes this song shine and stand out. Surprisingly, the didgeridoos in this song are a real treat and who knew that Miller was a soprano? It’s safe to assume that “Glitch in the System” is the “My Heart Will Go On” of its time.

With sales of the soundtrack to Tetherd Cow Ahead now reaching millions, it’s no surprise that other artists are wanting to record their own renditions of the album’s most popular songs. Rod Stewart’s techno remix of the entire album (at the request of Peter Miller himself) is expected to be in stores by the end of the year.

With the ever-increasing popularity of downloading music from the Internet, the music industry has fallen on tough times. Sales of tangible records are down, as more and more people are choosing to get their music from the web. Is the soundtrack to Tetherd Cow Ahead: The Movie enough to jumpstart weak sales? Only time will tell, but one thing is certain: No collection is complete without the music from Tetherd Cow Ahead: The Movie.

☆☆☆ out of Five

This entry was posted on Saturday, April 29th, 2006 at 12:25 pm and is filed under Awesome, Movies, Music. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.