Reason to hate South Carolina #247: Gnats.

In the mornings before work technically begins, the powers that be hold a muster at the pier. The technical military term for the morning “quarters” is FUBAR. Essentially, this process involves all the staff members and students lining up in ranks while the imperial overlords of the boat talk about the watchbill and plant operations. Ideally, it’s beneficial because you’re informed about any changes made to the plant, who’s on watch, what’s changed on the watchbill since you last saw it, etc.

In reality, however, no one speaks loudly enough so that you can hear them. Call me crazy, but if I were going to speak to a group of a hundred people, I would use my outdoor voice to the best of my ability. But, then, that would be logical and anyone who’s been in the military knows that logic is inversely proportional to the Navy (insert service of choice here). So you go ahead and keep on whispering, just don’t get pissed when I don’t know what the hell is going on.

What’s worse than muster is muster with gnats. Small, vampirical insects that have just recently come to my attention. I started the “prototype” program in the fall, when these bastards had already gone off and died from the cold (and good riddance!). Now they’ve returned to torment me irony has it out for me. And when irony fucks with me, it doesn’t even use lube.

“Gnat” is an acronym for Gigantic Nasty Aciculate Teeth. I’ve got small red spots all over my hands and head from these little sonsabitches. But I’ll show them. I’ve decided not to shower until the fall, take up smoking to gas them out, and to dowse myself in gasoline (when not smoking, mind you) to fume them out. Oh yes, vengeance will be mine!

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 11th, 2006 at 8:27 pm and is filed under Navy, Observations. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.