I spent a good portion of last weekend on the phone with McDonald’s. It was around midnight on Saturday. Everyone in my family had gone to bed except my youngest brother, Glenn, and his friend Paul.

There’s a web site that I frequent quite a bit called Ebaumsworld. It’s updated every Friday and has a lot of jokes and stupid videos. But it’s also got some great soundboards with clips of celebrity voices for use with prank calls.

One such soundboard features Jack Black. Jack is to acting as McDonald’s is to gourmet food. However, his soundboard offered hours of fun.

The hotel lobby offered free Internet access and Motorola cell phones have the ability to block their caller ID on outgoing calls. Throw in some boredom and a lot of beer and, well, you can figure it out from there…

I started out calling all the McDonald’s restaurants in Jacksonville. Most had closed and only one of them would talk to Jack for so long. So then I figured I might have better luck in Las Vegas. So I called all the McDonald’s phone numbers that I could find listed in Las Vegas. But they weren’t feeling too chatty either.

My best phone call was to a small city in Ohio called Wadsworth. I got a guy on the phone who talked to Jack for a whole 6 and a half minutes. The phone conversation always started out in the same way, with Jack saying, “Yea, hold on a second, I’m looking at the menu” as if her were going to place an order over the phone. Then we went through what I like to call “the nuggest phase”, in which Jack tries to order 4 chicken McNuggets except that McDonald’s only sells them in sixes. Then Jack would try and order something that McDonald’s doesn’t even sell, like a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger (Wendy’s?) or curly fries (Arby’s). Once this was all said and done, Jack would ask for the total. The dude in Wadsworth was the only one who actually waited patiently enough to give me a total (a real one) so I wasn’t sure what to do. So I clicked on some of the other Jack sounds or would attempt to order another
junior bacon cheeseburger.

Towards the end the guy at McDonald’s must have gotten tired of Jack because he told him that he could not take his order over the phone. He suggested that I come in and place an order inside the restaurant. Jack would not hear of it and merely replied, “Please don’t offer me anything, I’ll tell you what I want.”

I had the guy so flustered that he started to get upset. So Jack told him, “Shut up and listen to my order.” Amazingly enough the guy didn’t hang up! So I started my order over again for the third time. It wasn’t until Jack told the McDonald’s guy to stick two of the chicken McNuggets up his ass (the only real way to get the 4 that Jack wanted anyway) that he hung up.

But I have a feeling that Jack will one day call again…

This entry was posted on Saturday, February 25th, 2006 at 1:22 am and is filed under Oddities. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.