You can pry my Playboy from my cold dead hand!
New Life Ministries is is disgusted and upset with the amount of porn that our soldiers stationed overseas have collected.
Apparently they feel so strongly about it that they are sending “Battle Kits” overseas to help aid in this “problem”. These Battle Kits include titles like Every Man’s Battle and Being God’s Man in Tough Times.
From ABC News: “Your goal is sexual purity,” the text says. “You are sexually pure when no sexual gratification comes from anyone or anything but your wife.”
Oh, really? Last I checked you couldn’t take your wife with you. And how does the church know if someone’s wife is sexually gratifying? Does the church really expect a guy to get blue balls while he’s stationed overseas for so long? I say after all the shit my brother has had to deal with that he’s earned the right to rub one out, regardless of what any church thinks.
It’s stupid shit like this that just makes me despise Christianity. It’s not a religion, it’s a megacorp enterprise that wants to tell everyone how to run their life. What the fuck is it with these righteous religious bastards and their concerns about people beating off to porn? Do they really have nothing better to do with their time? Hell, maybe they need to audition the fingerpuppets more often so they wouldn’t be so damn uptight. Think of all the money being spent on these pamphlets and where it could be put to better use (Like printing more pornography!).
I think the worst part about the whole situation is that it’s now in the news and the public is going to think that everyone in the military has a porn problem. (I’m here to tell you that I do not have a porn problem: I have just enough stored away for safe keeping. Mmmm… Keira Knightley…)
From the ABC News article: “Whatever happens over there will happen,” Aguilar said. “I just want to go with a platoon and have tools to prepare us that makes us closer, and we will have less problems. These problems may seem trivial, but it ends up affecting the whole unit.”
“Make us closer”? Hmmm… Sounds suspiciously gay to me. Last thing I want to do is get close with a man in the sand, you know what I mean? I’ll have to add this to my Gays in the Military post. So don’t get close with Rosey Palm and her Five Lovely Daughters but get close to your fellow soldier? Sssssssssstop it, ssssssir!
I think a counter-attack against New Life Ministries is in order. I’ll have to make my own kits with porno and mail them overseas so our soldiers can further improve their man-to-hand relationships. At the very least, my kits would include these awesome Bumper Nuts to attach to all tanks, humvees, and driven vehicles. If only I could think of something as cool and unique as “Battle Kit”.
January 8th, 2006 at 4:36 am
My goal is sexual purity. Just pure sex. As often as possible.
PS: WV for this post was ‘bogaszub” which would have made much more sense with your submarine post!
January 9th, 2006 at 9:17 am
For Drew’s X-mas presents, I sent him a shoe box full of porno mags and four DVDs. Thats what he wanted so thats what i sent him. I agree with you mike, if Drew wants it he has the right to do whatever he wants. From what i hear porn is not a problem over in Iraq. They can get it anywhere.
“bead”