Afishionados,

Richard Dawkins appeared in my toast this morning. It’s a sign!

Afishionados,

I signed up for the abnormal psychology class at Polanski University for the summer. It’s only been a week since classes started, but we’re already discussing the homunculus and the effects on the brain.

Click to embiggen

Afishionados,

Michael Jackson’s death has really stolen the spotlight away from Farrah Fawcett’s death. I can’t say that my friends and I were big Michael Jackson fans, but we were DEFINITELY fans of Charlie’s Angels. Damn. It’s really gonna be hard for us at the convention this year. While we may not be able to get all the autographs we’d hoped for, there’s some consolation in knowing that we still have our costumes.

As you can see, I’m just torn up over the news of Farrah’s death. Joey, well… Since when the fuck is Joey sure of what’n the hell is going on? And Anaglyph’s just happy that his hair isn’t all fucked up yet.

Special thanks to Cissy Strutt for taking such a fantastic photo of us and for dropping us off at the mall on Saturdays.

EDIT: I would also like to take this opportunity to give a shout out to the Australian nurse of my [wet] dreams and Fourth Angel, Nurse Myra who, up until this very moment, has eluded my blogroll. Well, no more, my love.

Afishionados,

Malicious (Malicios?) Intent is a blogger who’s been known to visit Old Fish and Lemonade from time to time. I think she musta fell into this shithole while dodging the cow pies in a Melbourne pasture. Anyway, she has her own blogging award that various folks have earned¹, the most recent recipient being Catalyst.

Now, one of Mal’s favorite² bloggers is Joey Polanski. And it was he who noticed that her name was, in fact, spelled wrong on the award. Can you believe that a friggin Polack was the first to notice this?

Now, neither Joey nor myself has been bestowed with a Malicious Intent Award of our own, let alone granted access to Malicious Intent’s super-secret blog (though we have passed out on the doorstep after feverishly ringing the doorbell to be let in). But, if there’s one thing we’re not, it’s a sore loser. And just because the two of us can’t catch and keep her attention, that doesn’t mean that everyone who has been able to needs to be stuck with an award containing a typo.

And so, without further ado, I humbly present each and every Malicious Intent Award winner with the updated award. Please replace those you have won with this, the correct and final version. Thank you, and congratulations.

¹I can only presume that they are earned and not simply handed out. Without proper access to the blog and not having received one of my own, I regret to inform you that Old Fish and Lemonade is unable to authenticate how the award is, in fact, dispersed.

²She’s a huge fan. Really.

Afishionados,

The parents have been updating their kitchen with more modern conveniences as of late. You know, since their goat died (no more fresh milk) and the well pump rusted out (no more bathing in the kitchen, hafta wait for a rainstorm, now), they decided to go with some of this new-fangled modern-day shit. And one of the things they upgraded to was a new dishwasher.

Dang! Their new dishwasher is SO quiet compared to the old one. And it really gets the pots and pans a lot cleaner, too (Something the old one had real troubles with.) Of course, it was hard having the old one put down (honestly, it takes forever to train a St. Bernard to get those dishes clean) but his eyesight was failing and he only had three legs after he tried to lick the garbage disposal and slipped. The memories will live on, but the the time for a new dishwasher was long overdue.

Not only is the new dishwasher quiet, but he’s a snappy dresser, too. Well, except for always wearing one of Polanski’s dresses but we’re working to break him of that habit.

Afishionados,

Another year has gone by, and with it another summer has arrived. And what’s summer without a new iPhone, right? Unless you have been living under a rock, I’m sure you’ve heard that the new iPhone 3G S was released yesterday, June 19. I was not privy to the excitement this year, but I read that lines were much shorter than last year.

Either nobody wants the new iPhone 3G S, or (what I think is more likely) more folks simply pre-ordered and had it shipped to their house. Honestly, free overnight shipping form China or wait in line overnight to maybe get one. Which would you choose? Still, exact sales figures have yet to be released, but I bet Apple sells a shitload of them.

Of course, while it seems that Apple was well-prepared for this year’s mad rush of the iPhone, AT&T is still running the oldest servers in the world and are experiencing difficulties in activating the new iPhones for use on their network. Some recent iPhone buyers, when attempting to activate their new phone, have been greeted with this “Frequently Asked Questions” support page in iTunes:

(Click for full size)

Well, I sure hope that clears things up for you. Feel free to add… um… revisions to the FAQ in the comments below.

Afishionados,

Shaving has got to be one of the biggest annoyances in the morning. I don’t like the skin irritation or the mess, so I’ve only been shaving once every week or two these past few months, and even then I’ve been using an electric razor. Unfortunately, it seems I may have to give it up altogether, as my sink is now clogged and is putting up the good fight against the Drano.

Oh, well. It was damn hard getting my legs up on the counter, anyway, let alone fitting them in the sink. I guess my legs will just hafta go hairy from now on.

Afishionados,

All this time I’ve been wondering where they originally came from, too…

Afishionados,

(Click for full size)

I was in Cleveland over the weekend to watch the Indians lose (no surprise, there, really) and I was almost killed by one of my many nemeses, the seagull. And this time, they attacked in, like, a whole damned flock. The photo above was taken after the game, so the other two Indians fans that were in attendance besides me had already left. But just LOOK at all them flying rats. I know that nearly every team the Indians plays shits all over ‘em, but dang! Do the BIRDS really hafta do it, TOO!?

Afishionados,

I would like to introduce you to (one of) my future wife(s). Emilie de Ravin, hot Australian star in the ABC show LOST is getting divorced. How sad¹.

However, there is plenty of room at The Fish for any and all beautiful Australian women, divorcee or otherwise. Missionary positions available, apply in person².

And please have a seat in the lobby until we call your number.

Thank you.

¹Not really.
²Fat chicks need not apply.